A
female
age
51-59,
*ndia2007
writes:Hi,I recently met this guy, a model/actor at a party. At the time I was seeing someone else so didn't really pay much attention to him. He started texting me and I thought he was a bit of a jerk. Then something happened, I'm not sure, but I started to like him and one night he came round to my flat and we kissed... not much more.. it was pretty innocent.Then he went on holiday for a few days and during that time I became really keen on him and by then things had fizzled out with the other guy.Now I feel completely freaked out as since he has come back this model/actor calls and/or texts me every day but never suggests meeting up, of if he does it is on a Sunday or a thursday in a crowded bar with lots of his friends. ((Never a friday or a Saturday night.) He never proposes meeting up, just the two of us, going for dinner or watching a film. Before we kissed he had suggested all these things. Now its like a vague invite to a bar, where lots of people he knows will be.Im getting really frustrated. When I go to these bars, he comes up to me and subtly touches me, compliments me and then phones me at 1.30am after I leave and makes me feel really good but we haven't properly kissed since that first time and he has never asked me out one-to-one.I got so fed up with it all that I sent him a message on facebook asking why this was and saying that I felt insecure as to whether he liked me and he replied telling me to relax and everything was fine and he liked my honesty and thought I was lovely. He always puts lots of ki sses at the end of his texts or facebook messages. I sent another similar message and he phoned up straight away afterwards.I just feel helpless, as I have tried to honestly ask him how he feels, and in the facebook message, I even suggested stopping contacting him if that is what he wanted, and he never agrees and yetI still feel as frustrtaed as ever. I can't concentrate on other men and yet I don't know why he is treating me like this.One friend suggested he could be seeing someone else or that I am being too keen and need to play hard to get or that he doesnt fancy me. Any views?I need to know how to get to bottom of what is going on as i feel like I am wasting my time otherwise.
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female
reader, India2007 +, writes (15 March 2008):
India2007 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone.Ok thanks for your replies..I am going to keep you posted on what happens....I have decided to make myself busy and booked up nights out with various people and am even planning a holiday myself now...sent a text to him today saying all this and got a mind-blowing one back saying how much he admires me etc...it certainly seems that he likes the "pursuit"...last week when I was in a bar and chatting to a really good looking guy, he was far keener than usual....and kept walking past me...so my strategy is to act cool and play cool and be busy and not suggest meeting up...I agree the 'stop texting and phoning' is a good strategy but am saving that one for a week or two and will see how the new super cool me works....I read mars and venus today (that famous book) and there was a part in it about the need to appreciate a man and not alwasy complain/be negative and I was thinking those messages I had sent on facebook had been negative, so I could have brought some of this on myself. Therrefore Im gonna try being positive, appreciative yet very cool/detached and see how it works. Will post an update soon:)
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (15 March 2008):
 If he is of the arty ilk, he might one of those people on the fringes. They quite often march to a different beat. They sometimes think in very broad terms. He probably gets attention from lots of women if he's a model too. Be careful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): My advice would be to back off and see how he responds. You've put yourself out there, been honest, and straightforward about your feelings. Now it's up to him about how he responds.
If it helps, I'm in a similar situation with a guy. We met on-line and dated several times. The last it got pretty physical, and we have chatted on-line frequently thereafter, but since then, he has not asked me out. It's only been a week, but I'm really confused. Does he like me? Not like me? I'm so confused I almost asked. In a way, I think I should take my own advice. Give it a little time and see how he responds. I think a guy's intentions will show through with time.
In any case, good luck. Remember that you deserve a guy that's really INTO you. Don't settle for less!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Personally, I think he is showing some disrespect by calling you at 1:30 am after you leave the bar when he was at the same bar especially, it sort of seems to me that he is hoping and waiting for you to seduce him....a lot of good looking guys are this way, they trade on their good looks, if the girl makes the move and they get what they want from you, they can move on quite easily or keep you strung along working really hard to get them and it takes them off the hook as they never really pursued you in the first place. Personally, I think he sounds like a player and he isn't worth your time....he will end up hurting you more than likely. Then only way to know is stop asking him any questions, don't ever call him or text him for two months even after you start to actually get asked out by him, and you will know by his pursuit of you or lack there of he is really interested in a relationship or just a booty call.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (15 March 2008):
 The one question I have is, how long has this been going on? If it's just been a few weeks, then it's not a big deal. If it's been more than a month and he hasn't asked you out properly then something is going on with him. Either he isn't keen on a relationship just now or he perhaps does have someone else or there is something else going on or as your friend says, he is playing hard get himself.
I always say, actions speak louder than words. So look at his actions. Is he treating you like a potential girlfriend or a friend? The bottom line is that if you don't like the way you're being treated you always have the right to move on.
I guarantee you that you will not be able to move on though until you understand what is going on with this guy so you're back to square one, you need answers and he is the only one who can give them to you. How long ago has it been since the question in the facebook? Maybe give him a few weeks now that he knows you're a bit concerned about his actions. See if he changes things up a bit. If he doesn't then have that discussion and if you don't like the answer or if it is the same one or if he doesn't give you an answer to your satisfaction then you may have to move on without knowing what's going on with him.
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