A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So...as these questions always start, there is this guy...he is a couple of years older than me, and I think he fancies me as much as I fancy him, however I am just not sure. I am 21, have never had a boyfriend, let alone been on a date, and I have no clue about these things. So it would be great to get some advice, even though I know it can't be completely accurate, as you can't observe us. Here are some of the positive things he does: . We always sit very close together, arms almost touching. . He always takes an interest in me, asking my opinion on things. . We do work together sometimes, and at one point my friend was in the same room, and she said, he just sat there watching me work whilst I wasn’t looking, and not doing any of his. . I made a comment about a spelling mistake, and he said that he had forgotten his glasses, I didn't say anything and after a few seconds, he said, that he was looking for some sympathy, so I touched him on the shoulder and fake comforted him (that one caught me slightly off guard). . When I chat about something a bit crazy and girly, he doesn't freak like most men do, he actually seems interested. . He always turns to face me when he is talking, he tends to sit with his legs splayed and fingers in his belt loops, or legs crossed with the knee pointing towards me. . I sent him a text, saying how I thought how funny my awful mark was in a test, making a joke out of it; he sent a very sincere text back saying, and I paraphrase; how I shouldn't let it get me down, I am a very smart girl and was unlucky with the questions, I was not expecting that response! There are just a few of the good signs, (in my opinion) but then he goes and does things like this: . I mentioned I was going to the library, he said he was too, but he was going to get something to eat. So I go and get settled, three hours later he still has not come back. . Again, another situation in the library; I mention that I am not sure whether to go there or go home, he says he is going, so I joke that I will come along and annoy him for a bit longer, he grins. As we are entering said library, he asks where I am going to be, as he just needs to go and see someone, I point over to two computers in the corner, and amble off to get myself settle, expecting that he will come back and do some work next to me. He does come back, comments jokingly on my pro-activeness and then says he is off. . His texts are really formal, he always starts them with my name and finishes them with his or thanks. . He also has a number of very attractive female friends, so what goes through my head is how could he be interested in me!Anyway, there are just a few of the mixed messages I am getting, (or what I perceive as mixed), he is single, and I am just so new to all this that I am unsure whether he is just being friendly and kind. I don't know and would value some opinions on the matter, as I am considering asking him out to the end of term dance, and don't really want to make a complete idiot of myself! Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): Thank you for such a great answer, this is the original poster, just incase you weren't aware.
I am one of these people who has always been, 'it is better to know than to not know' however, I am worried that I might ruin what we have at the moment.
I really like him, he is a really kind guy, which is why he I am so interested. It is one of my big reasons why I am still single, is that I am quite picky and I have a tendency to attract jerks! And also why I am so worried that I may have read it all wrong!
But we shall see!!
In regards to the dance, that's a great idea about asking him to go as a friend, I hadn't thought of that.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (30 April 2012):
Unfortunately a lot of the behaviour you describe is pretty non-specific so it’s not easy to say whether it’s flirting or just being friendly. It does sound as though he thinks a lot of you though, and enjoys your company. On that basis, why not ask him to go out with you for a drink or something one evening? Or some other social activity you’d both enjoy. You don’t have to make it a date straight away, if you’d prefer to see how it goes. But at least when it comes to the dance, it won’t be the first time you invited him somewhere, and it’ll make it less awkward for you. It might also give him a chance to make his feelings known. Many relationships begin with a friendship that develops in to more. Whatever the case, whether it’s a friendship or relationship you have together, it’s good to get to know each other better so that you can build either a special friendship or relationship together.
Of course if you did fancy him the best way to communicate that is just to tell him. That’s a brave thing to do, however, but here are some tips for you whenever you’re ready to take the plunge:
•Make sure you are actually ready to do it.
•Firstly, prepare yourself for rejection: he might not feel the same and you should make sure you’re ready for that news.
•Pick the right time: don’t do it with a crowd of friends around you, or at a time when you’ve only got 5 minutes before you need to rush off.
•Begin by telling him how much you value the friendship. When you’ve told him how you feel, end by saying that if he doesn’t feel the same you understand, and again that you don’t want to ruin a good friendship.
•I know you’re worried you’ll make a fool of yourself, but any decent person would see how you’ve put yourself out to be honest about your feelings, and they’d respect you for it. If he’s a decent person, he’ll deal with it in a sensitive way whatever his answer. If he is horrible about it, he’s not the kind of person you’d want even as a friend anyway, although from your post he does not sound insensitive and unpleasant.
Sometimes in life we have to stick our neck out to know where we stand, because knowing either way is better than not knowing. But do it when you’re ready, and if you want to just get to know him better first than do that, and take your time to think out what you’ll say and prepare yourself for whatever his reply, if you decide that the only way is to tell him. Who knows, he might have exactly the same worries as you about telling you how he feels. Maybe think about what your own response would be if he asks you out. As for the dance, Could you not ask him to the dance anyway? I’m sure a lot of single people of both sexes invite friends to partner them at such events.
I wish you all the very best
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