A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my situtation is simple yet it stresses me out so much sometimes. I simple feel like I've lost me and that I struggle to be my true self. I have been 10 years with a really sweet girl - she's my best friend, we look after each other and have a great life. Sometimes I'm really attracted to her but I'm not sure I feel passion or real love for her but I'm totally lost as to what to do. Most of the time I cant see past the end of each month. I struggle to make big long term commitments with her anymore. But everytime I have that internal dialogue I give myself all the usual advice. I feel like I should appreciate mre what I have and put my heart into it and I remid myself all I have to loose if it all goes wrong. I am 40 in a month and I have told myself to leave things until then and then make some decisions. I dont want to be alone but I dont want to have that feeling of "is this enough" anymore. I know this is all thoughts in my head and I should just chaneg what I am thinking - thats what all the counselling and books will say but thats easier said than done.this is not my first long living together relationship and everyone loves my partner and thinks she is great as I do and I'm scared really scared of letting things go and realising I am being stupid and having some mid life crisis.i thought of it more as a mid life review and realised I'm not where I want to be.I feel like I'm the only one who feels like this. I'm normally such a confident person and good at deicsions so to feelt his lost is hurting me.The final nail in this is that last year I was working very closely with a young lady last year and we had a "thing" - the physical stuff was good which hasnt helped my relationship obviously but thats all forgotten tbh. What has left a lasting mark was that she loved talking about relationships and before I knew it she got really into my head with "I wouldnt do that" or "is that enought for you". With her help I really mentally dismantled everything I was and when she walked away I found myself questioning everything. She occasionally contacts me and although I've said how she destroyed my sense of self and confidence in my relationships she still feels we should be friends. I know Im being too nice to her but I wish she'd realise that her friendly emails are just an annoying reminder of a massive error of judgement and a moment of out of character that I dont want to remember.During this time my partner and I grew apart and my thoughts for her changed - although I always had some questions. I cant seem to get quite back to 100%. I get all the "this is how things go" and you should work at it speeches and we nearly broke up this year but when she said she wanted to try for at least 6 months I said ok. At the time it all caught me unawares. I said ok. TBH - if I dont think "I'm not sure" - 80% of the time its great. She is my best friend and me hers. I wish I could shut this voice in my head off but I canI know I'll sort it but its good to rant about it.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, confidence Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Plain Jane  +, writes (7 September 2010):
 What about taking a break and go for the most romantic holiday with her ? Probably this may help to reconcile your relationship with her deeper...
|
