A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:I'm 23 and its seems like everyone else my age is either engaged or having children. I feel really jealous. Where as I've got out of a bad relationship, where my ex was verbally abusive and I was never a priority. I'm a good person and would never cheat, I feel like it should be me instead. It seems like it will never happen to me. Why?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): It's very unfortunate that your ex was abusive towards you. Sorry to hear this. I think you could benefit from, first, giving yourself time to heal, and then finding the confidence to NEVER be in that situation again. You can look at this time as an opportunity to find love for yourself and find activities to strengthen your character. Often we find ourselves in abusive situations when we do not love and respect ourselves, not that we ever deserve to be treated that way! I understand the pressure to find a solid relationship that is moving forward, but I bet on some level your friends may be or become jealous of your freedom. This might be hard for you to believe. At 23 years of age, I really wouldn't be concerned about finding a husband and settling down, but that's just me. I wanted to be settling down at that age too, but I'm so VERY glad I did not find anyone that soon! I'm almost 30 and just had my first child. I'm glad I have the life experiences behind me from my early and mid 20s when I had not met the right person. I know myself so much better now and it makes me a better mother! In your 20s you're just figuring out who you are. Your friends may seem to have it all now but in 10 years, how many of them could be separated or divorced because they got involved in a serious commitment too soon before knowing themselves? Marriage before age 24 leads to very high risk of divorce down the line. Not that this is what you should be wishing for your friends! Rather, you're fortunate to be free and single right now as this is a very good opportunity for self-discovery if you choose to take that path (trust me, you will be very happy you did when you meet the right person for you in a few years!) You especially need to care and be gentle with yourself since you're getting out of a bad relationship. Trust me, you want to be feeling much better about yourself before you get into another serious relationship and this will take time. Just trust that in a few years, things will look very different for you! Try not to obsess over where you think you should be and accept where you are. That in itself is a very important life lesson.
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