A
female
age
41-50,
Alisa
writes:When are we going learn? I must of read about 50 stories about mistresses hoping their married lovers leave their wives, or why they are not calling. I was just someone's mistress myself for almost two years. One thing we all have in common is we are the one's that wound up hurt. The few women that the guys left their wives for wound up hurt. These men are trash. They don't love us, or their wives, they love themselves. Think about it, if he really cherised his relationship with his wife, why would they jepordize their marriage for us. Most of us did just as much, if not more with these men, then their wives. At the end it doesn't matter. The time we spent, the gifts they brought us, and the promises they made didn't mean anything to them. Many of these affairs aren't about sex, mines wasn't. It's about control. They obiviously control their wives, and us. We wait for them to bestow their affection, and time on us. We sound hard up, and desperate. Their is nothing to miss, when these guys leave. After all we had nothing but misery coming to us. We all feeling sorry for ourselves, but lets face it we didn't care what we were doing to their wives. Nobody wins in these situations. Worst we as women are causing problems for other women. You can't be happy, while making someone miserable. I can't speak for all you out there. I'm done with this. It will be a cold day in hell, before I will ever be in a sitauation like this. It's degrading, and emotionally exhausting. At the end I got nothing out of it, but hurt feelings. Get out your mine, that he and his wife is happy. Their not, and will never be, because everytime their wives forgive them for their affairs, it will be another one. Leave these emotionally disturbed men to themselves. You better off with no man, then a half of a man. When their wives get some sense, they will come to the same concuslion.
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female
reader, Alisa +, writes (11 August 2009):
Alisa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNYna you are right! I wish I had the sense you seem to have. We all make mistakes people come at you in different ways, and depending where you at in life. You could be vulnerable. Not you specifically in general. Everyone says he says he's married you run. Things are not that black and white. It's hard out here for women. The more independent you are, the more lonely you are. Men say they want independent women in theory but not in practice. If your lonely long enough, you will fall for anything. I did. I won't anymore I took my experience, and learned from it.
A
female
reader, nyna +, writes (5 August 2009):
 ok girly girl get the balls to tell her do unto others as you would want done to you. I was in a relationship with a married man also but i didnt know at first as soon as i found out which was in cali when he flew me out there for V-day as soon as we where at the airport i dropped ties. He called me one time after and i told him i was in a relationship and so was he and he needs to not call me or i will find a way to get a hold of his wife and tell her. the calls quit but he tried to find out stuff from my gf and she told him i was getting married which was true. find a way to do what your mind is telling you to do not your heart in a relationship thats usually where we mess things up in our own lives.
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female
reader, shanni +, writes (29 July 2009):
well i really cant say much my man got married young and obviously to someone that he didt want because hes with me now .... my man did leave his wife... its not the wifes fault she didnt satisfy him or that she was a physo b**** . and i even went with him to get his devorce
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female
reader, Pola +, writes (17 July 2009):
 Hunni a woman should try hard to keep his man,spoiled his man, and love his man a long as their both should live. If a woman get tired of doing that, she gonna end up loosing her man. Now who to blame? is she innocent? nooo.
Then again a lot of time women try hard to keep the man, but not the husband idea. Did she marry a wrong man? Probably
Yes I agree if another woman wants to have compassion for the wify they can beg the man to stay with her...lol again, what if even you do that, he still going to find another one. now who's going to save this marriage?
Just to make a point, sometimes this husband turns to be gay.. so now again who's going to save this marriage?
who are we going to blame?
the problem is inside the house. either you choose to be a mistress or not it's still not going to resolve the problem. It's between the husband and the wife.
My biggest problem is shifting the blame unto the outsiders
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reader, mawm +, writes (16 July 2009):
Awww, ladies, come on. Virtually no man leaves his wife; please, you're crazy to get involved with a married man.
It's true: secret love is an in incredible high; the admiration, the fabulous compliments,all the things he tells you. Like; "this is the best sex I've ever had" or "you're so beautiful" or" My wife just doesn't understand me".
He means it it---yeah, at that very moment. Except it doesn't hold up when he has to deal with his wife and all the realities of what they have.
Don't be suckers---don't get drawn in! There's nothing in it for you!
Men will tell you how much they want to leave their wives, but when they have to face her, their children and selling the house, insurance, telling their friends, their supervisor, their neighbors....forget it.
AND even if he does leave his wife for you---then this is obviously a guy who'll do crazy things for love and sex. So, eventually, he'll do it again.
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female
reader, Alisa +, writes (14 July 2009):
Alisa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell girly girl!
If that is what is going to get you to the next level, then do it. You do get tired of being hurt. His wife and him moving does help me, but because he never said bye, or because i haven't heard from him still leaves me hurt. When you do send her the letter, make up your mine your done with him. He is going to try to get into her good graces again, he will ignore you more. You don't want to find yourself wanting anything from him. Don't forget to tell me when, you do it. He is getting what he deserves. These men won't stop, because their wives never put them in check.
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female
reader, GirlyGirl022 +, writes (13 July 2009):
well on one note i do envy you. he moved away with his wife. i wish i could move away from him. or him move away. make it easier. he said he was gona "talk" with her this weekend but we both know thats a crock of shit. and i havnt goten a phone call yet. iv let myself get back with him so i could let him go easier. but iv already check my un ringing phone 20zillion times today with no call. and obviously i predicted wrong about myself. i dont want her to know to hurt him. i dont want to hurt her. but i feel like the only way i can really let this go 100% is to let her no somehow. that way instead of unanswered questions that have been ansewred i now have a clean conscience as well. is that wrong? shes already made up lies about ppl telling her somethings up. so it actually happening wouldnt be a shocker. and he would not believe for a second that it was me who some how let her know. either threw short letter or something. i dont think i could handle face to face. it just sucks because of the job im geting in to we will be around each other for the long hall. so id rather it end with my say then his. and my say is ending it when with a clean conscience. hes hurt me to many times to do it again. so this time i wana be the one to leave and feel better about my self for it rather then being dumped again..
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female
reader, Alisa +, writes (12 July 2009):
Alisa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell anonymous writer. Don't beat yourself up over this. Loneliness is a very powerful emotion. If you see a way of it do it. Your boyfriend keeps leaving you alone, if it was the other way around he would be doing the same thing. What I'm trying to say is forget about feeling guilty about your boyfriend, and your friend and his girlfriend. Deal with why you are feel lonely, and why are you willing to deal in this sitauation? You will be able to make a sound decision from there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Hi!I met a guy 4 years ago when I was only 18! he was 28! and I fancied the hell out of him! we ended up just having a bit of a casual fling 4 about a year and it just seemed to fizzle out and we stopped talking! but then a few months later he got in touch with me saying he wanted 2 see me etc! I was up 4 it but I changed my mind and text him saying I didn't want 2 see him! he went into a massive strop and said fine then I'm gonna work things out with my girlfriend then! I did have an idea that he was with some1 when we were kinda together but I didn't really care I just carried on with it, something about him made me feel good that I must be better than his girl friend if he's always phoning me and wanting to things together! Any how 2 years ago he added me as a friend on facebook and I worked out that when he was txting me and meeting up with me he did have a girlfriend and she was pregnant!! I felt really guilty and I felt sorry 4 her that she had no idea what he was up 2. They have had their baby now and I'm in a relationship and I've just had a baby. But last year we started talking again and met up a couple of times! I don't no why I did it I think I just wanted to feel wanted again, if you what I mean? He's not the father to my child (just so you know) I don't no why I am doing it when I'm in a relationship and just had a baby?!? I'm really lonely and my partner is never here i think that's why I am doing it
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reader, Alisa +, writes (12 July 2009):
Alisa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou and I have more in common talking to you is making me feel better. I get where you are coming from now. You want him to lose you and her. I like that. I was there too. Wives are too unpredictable. The guy I was involved with wife use to play so many games too. She left a note on my door to go out, and pretended to him I asked her to go out. At the end, she played like she had no ideal we were having an affair. He would talk to me on the phone in her face. I told her he was over my house all the time. She would never ask questions. You know he tried to pretend like he didn't know any of this. He told her about the affair, because they were moving to florida where both of them are from, which is 1500 miles away from me. She started losing weight, and ignoring him worst then she has before. He seen she wasn't insecured about me anymore, and her ex boyfriend is in florida. His twisted mine, he just told her out of desperation. I didn't see this coming. She pretended she was mad, and then said she forgave him. After that he started treating me different, start talking about we can't be friends cause she will feel some type of way. When I saw her, and told her we were still talking on the phone, she didn't even say anything to him. Two days later he came out and hung with me to 1:30 in the morning. I knew he was moving. We made plans to be close friends. They moved a month ago. I haven't heard from the bastard yet. Although I feel where you are coming from, this can back fire on you. She can be financially dependent on him. Like my married lover wife is. She will go on with him, until she is ready to leave. He will kick you out of his life. He is only interested in you, because he see you don't like him the same. It's a sickness with these guys, they like to chase. Play with him until you get strong enough to drop him. Don't be like me and wound up hurt. Remember everything is bull s--t with these guys. They will fall, because everybody does, or worst they will just be miserably married. Either way mistresses don't have anything to lose, if you take away the emotional attachment. We can go on with our lives, and put this behind us. Their the ones who have to deal with the misery they put on their marriage. It's definitly not worth doing this again. I got hurt really bad. I learned my lesson, and your right to flag off guys coming to you with these situations. You know their coming with BS. Your right, when I wrote my story people flipped on me too, and my friends had so many negative things to say. You can't help who love. Things aren't black and white. I was married before i didn't cheat on my husband. I wasn't happy, and I probably would have if I found someone at the time. We got divorce, because when we were seperated he found a girlfriend. He didn't get any flack from people. We were supposed to have been working on things. I wasn't mad at her, or him. People quick to call us names, it's hard out here. Married men go out they way to please you, and if your lonely you fall for it. It was our first time. We know it was bullsh--, so we know not to do it again. I would never say anything about someone who is doing it. After all we didn't go looking for their husbands.
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reader, GirlyGirl022 +, writes (11 July 2009):
i agree. and it helps when you have someone whose and out side person to talk to thats been there. thats y i made an account on here. i had posted a long post a while back just asking for some advise and i got sooo many people replying negative. and its like we know what we do is wrong but its not jsut our fault. you cant help who you love. and my bigest thing was what you said we are/were better then my friends relationships with their men. and that really sucks. they make promises they dont keep. all women have an intuition on things. she called him the other day and said she gota phone call on her cell. turned out she lied about it just to see his reaction. everyone that knows them say they have an unhappy marriage. but being in love with him i cant help but hope hed be mind. and he left me before, the only difference this time around is i really think his hearts in it. and mine isnt. i need to prove to myself that i really can do better and dont need to always wonder what we coulda been cause hes just a lying ass hole. i know how u feel about unanswered questions. he left me with sooo many last time and it hurt so badly. thats y i let him come back so i could get those questions answered for myself and ya no ppl always say oh im just doing this for this and it never wrks out that way. well for once my plans actually working. cause he told hes gona have a talk with her this weekend about y she would make that up and they both arnt happy. but no matter how unhappy they say they are they never go threw with what they say. my biggest issue is im in an ok spot to leave an not ever wonder. BUT becuz hes so much more involved with me this time around if i leave him hel def stay with her. if i stay yes hel prob still stay with her but theres that wat if he doest. but theres a breaking point somewhere and mine here. is your guy in a place where u would ever bump into him? mine is an it hurt like hell when we stoped talking and would bump into each other very awkward also. but eventually it passes we just gota make sure we dont do it again. every guy i meet i have to ask are u married. and its amazing how many say yes or im separated. and im like sorry i cant get involved in that. its just so shity that guys do it. but thank you for replying and understanding and not giving a whole lecture like everyone else.
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reader, Alisa +, writes (11 July 2009):
Alisa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell MS. Girly Girl, more than likely his wife knows. In my case it was right in her face, she went along with it. From what your saying, your sitauation is different. We know as women, when another woman is dealing with are man. To answer your question no it's no point of telling her. More than likely she will forgive him, and he will cut you off. If your not ready to leave him alone, your going to be hurt, and feeling guilty. When I said we as mistresses didn't care, what we were doing to the wives. I didn't mean we didn't feel bad for them. I felt bad plenty of times. What I meant is we don't care about them, when their conflicting with our interest. No you don't sound pathetic. At one time I was wishing I had one chance to get revenge on him. I didn't get closure from my situation. I haven't heard from him. It's like he never cared about me. I realize that is my punishment for dealing in this situation. He will get his too. We all pay for what we do. I'm still hurt, because their are so many unanswered questions. I'm getting thru it by talking thru the articles, and dealing with my loneliness. I wrote this article, because everyone is quick to put us in the dog house. No one ever took the time to understand how we got in this sitauation. I use to be one of those people. I will never mess with a married man. What a joke on me! I did. The bad part is my relationship with him was better then my friends relationships with their own man. At the end all the people who gang up on us is right. We are setting ourselves up for a lot of hurt. Get out sooner than later. Let his wife figure this out for herself. She knows she is with a no good man.
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reader, GirlyGirl022 +, writes (11 July 2009):
i agree with everything you have said. im 23 and have been involved with someone whose married for the last year. i got hurt bad last year but obviously didnt learn because well we are back to talking. hes more clingy this time and this might pothetic but the only reason i went back was to be able prove a few things to myself which i have accomplished. they make promises they dont keep and we always end up hurt. i dont want revenge i know wat i did was wrong and u can believe me or not but i do feel bad for his wife. which is why i ask u this.... as a women i would want to know if my husband was cheating on me especially if i new he would never tell me. i personally DO NOT have balls to call or go to her an tell her this has been going on. but he will never tell her that is if he leaves me for her. which im in the process of slowly leaving him. i have closure issues so its better for me to do it then to be broken up on. lol. but my question is shouldnt she know? wether it means telling her or having her find out shouldnt she know? im so stuck on the fact that i would want to know. i no alot of ppl on here frown upon affairs but you can help who u fall in love with. u can just avoid the sitation which deep down i no i shoulda done.
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