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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hey there! Please help. I've liked this guy for about two years now. In the early days I had a feeling that he might have felt the same but I missed my chance and never did anything about it with one thing and another. ie. We were both seeing other people for a while etc and then we didn't bump into each other as much before as we did not have the same lectures anymore and so on. Anyway, 5 or so months ago I started dating one of his friends. When we first got together my boyfriend at the time informed me that he had had to check with his friend previously that it would be OK for him to date me, as apparantly he had liked me for quite a while! Obviously I didn't let on that I felt the same way about his friend but I was gutted!Just after Christmas, me and my boyfriend split up. It was a mutual agreement that we were probably better off as friends, as although we got on really well together, there was always that bit of chemistry missing. We have remained friends and there is no awkwardness, which is great. However, lately I've been growing to like his friend again and he's been really sweet in going out of his way and helping me out when I've needed a favour. I really would love to ask him out to spend a bit more time with him, but I'm worried that if I do, my ex and the group of friends (who I still get on really well with) might think I'm trying to make him jealous or something... which is most definitely not the case as it is basically not in my nature. It's just that they're obviously not aware that I liked this guy well before my ex. I don't know what to do as it just seems a bit risky. I thought about asking one of our mutual friends if he knows whether he still like me, although I know it will get reported back to my ex, and if he's not still interested, then I'm going to feel rather stupid :-/ What should I do?!
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christmas, jealous, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2006): Honesty is the best policy here. Explain to your Ex that his best friend had feelings liked you at one stage and you liked him, but as a gesture of courtesy, you want to run it past him to see if it's ok to pursue his friend. Hopefully he will appreciate that your relationship didn't work out, and more importantly you didn't cheat on him with his friend. After all, no-one can help who they are attracted to and not attracted to. I think he will be fine, and will appreciate your respect and honesty.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2006): I say "go for it"
People in these types of situations should really stop all this worrying about.."Oh my God!" "What is everyone else going to think?" Who cares!!
Don't live your life through everyone else's thoughts and judgements.
Ask yourself,"What do you want?"
You being happy is what matters!!
Try and talk with him yourself to see if he still has feelings for you. Don't go through other people..its between you and him anyway and no one else's business.
Good Luck and I wish both of you happiness ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2006): In a case like this, you could just be forthright and ask your ex if he would mind your asking his friend out. If its his feelings you're concerned about and if you are both indeed still friends, that would be the easiest way.
This may seem very direct, but in being so direct it avoids the pitfall of looking like some petty revenge tactic. It shows sensitivity and respect to the parties involved. I say go for it. If you want to be very tactful, you may omit that you liked him even before your ex, which is not necessary information, if you catch my drift.
Good luck.
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