A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in love with someone for 2 years in high school but he wasn't single. When I was 21, 3 years after we left he contacted me but I wasn't single. I let him go as my feelings were no longer as strong. I stayed with my boyfriend as I wasn't going to end a relationship over a one day reunion with my old crush. I am single now but for some reason 11 years later I regret letting him go. He has been married for 2 years with a child but keeps looking me up on social media. I think his marriage may be in trouble as his wife and her sister looked me up to, so they must have seen his browsing history. Did I do the right thing to let him go? Him looking me up all the time is not helping me move on. Until now I had been fine without in my life but the death of an old school friend has triggered it all off
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2016): There's absolutely no way you can know this man or any member of his family have been looking you up on Facebook unless they told you or contacted you in some way (by liking a picture say). It simply doesn't work in that way.
The reason you may think that is if they appear in your PYMK section or they are mentioned in emails from Facebook. That is because either you have been looking him and/or his family up or their numbers/email addresses are in you phone. Social media tentacles reach everywhere.
If you look someone up, just once, that is recorded in your history and you will be forever reminded of it.
If you really think about it if Facebook let you know who had been looking at your profile then the divorce rate would be way higher than it is now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2016): He's married -- do you really want to be *that* person? Just let it go. If he gets divorced, talk to him then. Otherwise, just leave it be and find yourself a boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 September 2016):
 You do know he isn't looking you up because he "loves you" but because he is bored in his marriage. He is hoping YOU will provide him with attention, affection, and entertainment.
Sorry, to put that so bluntly.
If he was OH SO in love with you still why did he get married and have a child with SOMEONE else?
You are remembering him as the high-school crush, not the man he is today. The man who has ACTIVELY been looking to cheat with you to SUCH an extent his wife and sister knows about it.
The pathetic excuse that his marriage is not doing well is SUCH an unimaginative pile of BS that married men say to rope in women whom they know will swallow a pile of BS because said woman WANTS it to be true. Because said woman wants a fantasy, not the reality. It's so much easier for you to live with this fantasy that he loves you instead of ACTIVELY looking for a single man who wants you, warts and all.
Take 2 minutes and "put on" the wife of this guy's shoes.
How would you feel if your spouse and the FATHER of your child was actively looking to "reunite" or garner the interest of an old high-school flame instead of being fully committed to the marriage, and working on the marriage? Not great, am I right?
You should block him. Unless you love getting your head and emotions messed with. How would you feel if your spouse and father of your child was busier looking up some old flame instead of working on his marriage or getting a divorce? Not great I expect.
Know that you dodged a bullet by NOT pursuing him. After all, would you want a partner who is looking to cheat?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2016): Nostalgia is no reason to have regrets, my dear. Part of being in-love in high school is based on immature or underdeveloped emotions.
A crush is hardly anything to lose sleep over; even if that crush likes to get his ego stroked knowing you may still carry a torch for him. His marriage being in trouble is irrelevant. The fact is, he's married.
Truly, that's a personal issue. If his wife has to snoop and follow-up on his internet activities; consider that a red-flag. Perhaps it should give you some reassurance that you inadvertently ducked a bullet.
Sentiment and memories of our youthful high school days will cloud the judgment, if you're lonely or depressed. You remember with selective-memory the best things for old-time's sake. The devil is in the details; and some of those details may slip the memory, or get buried in denial.
You don't have to respond every-time someone contacts you. Furthermore; if you are forewarned of possible drama, abort any further pursuit.
Keep looking forward, that part of your past should be left behind. Don't let loneliness or a slow dating schedule send you rummaging through your high school past for someone you liked or crushed on as a girl. You're a woman now with better prospects, more experience, and you're living in the present.
Stay level-headed and keep both feet on the ground. Save la-la land for cold wintry nights curled-up on the sofa with a glass of wine. Let old crushes fade into the past where they belong.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (21 September 2016):
 I would not pin my hopes on things that have never worked out. There is a reason that it hadn't worked out and that cannot be taken back. So what's there to regret?
As for him looking you up, and his sisters .... Do not assign meaning to that activity. You don't have a contact to know what his marriage is like. If his marriage was no good then he would leave her. Evidently, he is still with his wife.... And that means that you have no place to go there. Stay aside, do not initiate contact and do not respond if contacted.
Finally, the fact that you are reminiscing on failed romance leads me to believe that you maybe feeling lonely, or perhaps trapped into this loneliness. Are you? Aren't there any other romantic prospects out there or places to find them... I would focus on that rather than what never worked out in the past.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 September 2016):
 I think you are holding on to the past and who he was then, not who he is now. There may be unresolved feelings as you are the one that got away and vice versa, but as adults you both probably don't know a huge lot about each other. Also his wife and sister may have been curious it does not mean his marriage is in trouble, I think that is just wishful thinking on your part.
The best advice I can give you, is block him on social media, delete all methods of contact and get on with your life. It really would not be worth breaking up a marriage on a high school crush. Nobody would win. Continue on with your life and allow him to focus on his life and marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2016): How can you know that he keeps looking you up on social media?
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