A
female
age
36-40,
*lacidus
writes:I got married in October of 2008. We are both young—in our mid twenties. 2008 was a whirlwind year for us. We both switched jobs, bought a house, and were on very different schedules, limiting our time together. When we did get together, we would fight and generally be miserable. It wasn’t always this way. We had met 3 years previous. I feel I am a mature, grounded person. He wasn’t perfect, but I adored him for who he was. His goals and passions became my own. Once he graduated college, he changed. He was consumed by the job search, convinced that a job would make him happy. Every job he has been at since has had the same elusive standard. I couldn’t fulfill that happiness role, and he sank into depression when his stressful jobs couldn’t either. I supported him throughout his career switches while being largely ignored in my own. I am bitter and angry that I have not received the same amount of attention and sympathy from my husband that I showed him. With this in mind, I had a lot of doubts during our year long engagement. My husband didn’t help at all with the wedding planning; he just complained about my decisions and hard work. My anger kept building, as my desire to have some attention. I thought being a bride would give me my moment that I so desperately craved. When it didn’t, I was left with even more resentment. Our honeymoon was a disaster. Coming from conservative families, we were both virgins. It remains one of our biggest regrets. During our honeymoon, he would get so frustrated he would lose his erection, while I would feel like a failure or be so physically sore that I couldn’t bear the thought of trying any more. What was supposed to be a relaxing week was just as stressful and miserable as our engagement had been. I had nothing but work to look forward to when we returned. Even worse, my husband became even more depressed over our failed attempts at intercourse, and wouldn’t touch me for weeks. I rarely even got a kiss. To this day, he never instigates physical intimacy. In the months after our wedding, we finally succeeded in having sex. While he was busy getting to his climax, I just wished it would be over. I was so let down that this was what I had been waiting for all this time. I truly felt like I have only experienced fucking rather than making love. Even this occurs maybe once a month. The lack of attention I received, physically and emotionally, caused my attention to wander. There was a coworker who I had always liked as a friend. On a night out, I drank a bit too much and ended up sleeping with him. I used to be as loyal as they come, and I hate myself for this one failing. I am not physically attracted to the coworker, and since that night, we have not seen each other. This is fine with me.My husband’s job situation grew worse. He ended up quitting, and by doing so, has thrown us into financial chaos. I don’t make enough to cover our monthly expenses, which are truly just the bare minimum. I never go shopping for myself. We don’t eat out. We simply can’t afford to pay the utility bills and the mortgage on my salary alone. He can’t find another job, and his family still praises him for quitting. I am devastated at our current state. I am going to deplete my hard-earned savings account just to get by. I have nowhere to funnel my energy, and no money to do it with anyway. I am in an affectionless, lonely relationship…and my God, we have only been married for 5 months! I can’t just leave him without ruining my credit—my name is on the mortgage and he can’t pay it without me. I feel like I have lost everything because of this man and gained nothing. I have no idea how to deal with the overwhelming pain I feel on a daily basis. What can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (16 March 2009):
 I agree with Satindesire. You two need to get into counseling ASAP.
Do you attend a church?
Most churches have a counseling program or can get you plugged in with marraige and family counselor.
A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 Stay with him and work through it! Talk about how you feel and you will ge through this. Try to re kindle what you had when you first met! Xx
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