A
female
age
36-40,
*apuii
writes:Hi,I am a modern girl with some simple dreams. I want to be happy....lead a comfortable and satisfying life. Recently i got married to the love of my life....The problem is his Mother and the locality where he lives. My husband works in a MNC in a respectable position but his house is in a very old and dingy kind of a place. Moreover it is a joint family of 9 members.My MIL is the eldest and a MORON..She has two sons. The elder one is an IPS officer .his wife has expired and he has a 4 year old son who is looked after my MIL’s sister(unmarried) the younger son is my husband.1 aunty and 1 uncle and their son. My MIL is a selfish lady and all she thinks about is herself.... She has cancer since last 5 years (3rd stage}...my husband has only got her cured (by spending all his savings etc) but she is not at all grateful. Now she is OK but still a lot of money drains out in her medicines etc...Her elder son doesn’t give a single penny towards her treatment. Every time she talks shit and then says ‘’don’t say me anything that excites me otherwise I will have a severe heart attack...the doctor has said that i am very weak...’’On the other hand she eats anything and everything and that doesn’t affect her heart…she will say she doesn’t want to live but does not forget a single medicine.. Buys jewellery, clothes etc for herself) my problem is not that.then why does she pretend all that.She is a very selfish and conservative woman. She wants me to be exactly like what she was 40 years back. I am a modern girl but she wants me to wear saree, bindi etc all the time, i cannot work, cannot go outside. I have to eat, bathe etc according to the time she sets. I don't even have the freedom to that. The food which is cooked is of her choice (even the spices which are put into it are decided by her).It’s been two months but she has never been good to me.... The locality where I stay adds up to all this. This place is full of old fashioned conservative people. They also have the same mentality. The infrastructure is also bad. The roads are so narrow that you cannot drive though we have two cars (I wanted that I and my husband learn driving and maintain a standard... like all other young girls’ I also want my husband to drive a car) ... there is no proper communication to other places as well...I hate this place and the house...it is so congested .I feel claustrophobic and house seems like a jail.I know no matter what she is my husbands mother and he has his responsibilities towards her.He can continue with her treatment but we can certainly go and stay somewhere else.this way he can keep me happy too.One day I told my husband that you take care of your mother and I don’t have any problems with that but let’s move out of this place and stay in a better place which is more advanced(they have a flat in salt lake which is one of the posh localities here.)That ways I will also be happy and your mom too...he did not give importance to my feelings. He thinks I am over reacting and I should give it some time and will start liking everything ...I know I can neither like this place nor my MIL…. I told him that this is my age and time. you have a few responsibilities towards me too...I think he only thinks about how his mom will react to this and what will society (the orthodox and conservative people in that locality)say about us...Honestly I don’t care what they will say as long as I can leave that place and stay with my husband somewhere else. I just want to be happy with my husband. I also had some dreams about my married life.Can you please give me some suggestions as to how can I convince my husband to leave that place. I love him a lot...I don’t want to fight with him every day as this is making me bad. How do I make him understand without fighting that I am not happy here. My sex life is also not good as I don’t feel like having sex amidst all this. May be because of this he is even more rude to me….Please help me because If I stay here for long I will either become mad by being into severe depression or commit suicide.Plz help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 April 2013):
 It sounds like you are trapped by convention and tradition and the cultural expectations of your area.
The question is really if your husband is willing to break conventions and traditions and the cultural and family expectations in order to give you some freedom and breathing space. It doesn't sound as though he is.
You describe yourself as a modern girl, and you married him for love. Did you not realize that you were marrying into an old-fashioned conservative family?
I would start painting beautiful word-pictures of how wonderful your life could be if you lived apart from your in-laws. Don't criticize his mother or the living conditions. You presumably know your husband very well, what are his passions and his interests? Show him through story-telling how much joy he would experience if he did not live with his Mommy and his Daddy.
Did he know he was marrying a modern girl? If he did, obviously he decided that you would simply do what you were told.
Are you modern enough to leave him?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013):
I didn't read all your post ,sorry for that, but what struck me is how unhappy, hateful, spiteful you have become..
If you don't want to be tied to this family, then leave.. This women has been through the mill.. So what if she buys herself nice things . ? Isn't she allowed them.. If she eats whaT she likes, good on her..
Leave, leave, leave.. You do not have a good word to say about any others e people.. From what I read so leave ..
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