A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Question first: Is he pathetic or will he grow clingy or might I genuinely have a chance at something spectacular?The situation: Been pretty good friends with a heavier-set guy for years now (I'm rather petite). At age 21, we had sex for the first time with each other last week. He told me he loved me when looking straight into my eyes and at the time, it felt so right. As we kept going, I wanted to change positions because missionary with him on top was getting a little boring (we'd been at it for like 15 minutes by that time).The whole time, he was kissing my neck, and holding my face with one or the other hand, and just touching me in all the right places. Admittedly, it was fantastic. When I suggested switching positions to me on top or doggy-style, he got offended. He didn't want to do doggy-style because he wouldn't be able to see my face but he was open to me on top because then he could see everything.So we switched positions but then switched to him on top again after a few minutes and we climaxed pretty quickly after that, at the same time. He then brought me into his arms and actually told me, "I never want to have sex with anyone else again." That's when I looked at him and said, "Seriously?"That's when he got worried and I left and he called me a few times since and I've returned only one call. I'm not afraid of commitment, I'm afraid of getting hurt again. He's told me numerous times he would never be like the douche bag I dated for three years in high school. That the only hand he'll ever lay on me is a loving one. I believe him, I just don't know why it's hard for me to let him in.What is wrong with me!?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 It seems you have a great connection and you said yourself it feels 'right' so it sounds like you have a good chance at something amazing here! Dont miss out!
But equally, he does sound like an emotionally open, caring, sensitive kind of guy and if physically you are significantly more attractive than him then maybe he will worry about you and other guys or you going off him, so there may well be a possiblity of him becoming clingy. That is not a reason to get into a relationship with him though!
If he does become clingy at some point, all it needs is communication - simply tell him that he is being clingy and smothering you and you need him to trust you/back off....whatever the situation requires. Being clingy is something easily solved and if you talk about it I'm sure he would try and change this. So dont write him off just because you worry he might be clingy!
It does sound like because you were hurt in the past you find this kind of guy hard to handle - if you had an awful ex, and now you are with a sweet, sensitive and thoughtful guy - this is going to be a big change for you and you will find it hard to take him seriously. Especially with the "I never want to have sex with anyone else again." comment, that is quite intense for someone you have only just really got together with. You are so used to being treated badly that you dont know how to react to being treated properly - you have been conditioned to accept being treated badly so this is an entire new world for you and at times you will feel like he is being a bit cheesy or insincere and you might have trouble believing what he says.
But this will go in time - the more time you spend with a nice, caring guy, the more you will get used to being treated properly rather than being treated badly. So all these comments he makes will just make you happy, rather than thinking "Seriously?!".
Give him a chance and see how it goes, sounds like you have something special here so at least give it a try, you will regret it if you dont.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (11 August 2011):
hi it is obvious you have said it yourself you don,t want to get hurt again which is perfectly normal i would arrange to meet up with him and talk to him tell him how you feel and try talking things slowly you don,t want to ignore him because he will think you are not interested in him anymore this may be your chance at happiness take things slowly see how it goes good luck
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