A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am so sorry this is long, but bare with me. please. I'm 21. My 'friend' is 24. Met each other at college. We were not in the same year (he was one year behind me in a program for students who needed extra help with their studies). The two of us became acquainted through this other girl at school, named Karen. It was clear that Karen really liked my friend; she always talked about him every morning during class since the first week of school. anyway i exhanged phone numbers with him and became his friend on FB. and we texted a little. he ended the relationship two weeks later Karen, telling her he "needed space" (don't know exactly what she did to make him feel like he was suffocating, but i just know she talked about him every single day) . Karen was not happy with this, she concluded that he just broke up with her to get to another girl. this was in '09. I was 19, he was..umm 22/23. we were still texting two months later. he said we should hang sometime and i said 'yeah'. We didn't talk at all in school. and talked minimally by text. 10 months later, after i had graduated the program and left the college, he texts me again asking how i'm doing, and then says 'will u go out with me' or something like that and i said "WHY?" because it was all out of the blue (and i hardly knew him and we hadn't talked for a while) and he said 'cause ur cute and seem like a cool person' and imm like 'well i just got out of a relationship but ok ill give u my decision on saturday' (this was a friday). he was like 'ok i'll understand if u say no cause u just got out of a relationship' and im like 'ok'. anyway, sat comes and i decide that i'd give it a shot. told him 'yes'. he changed his mind saying that maybe we should get to know each other better. and we didn't talk for over two months. Two months later, he texts me, asking me out again. He's begging and begging. and i'm getting a little mad because he asked me out before and then changed his mind when i said 'yes' and i called him a 'player' because of that. and he said 'i don't know who you've been talking to but i'm not a player' and then i said 'i haven't been talking to anyone., no offense'. and i ask him why he did that and he said something like 'i wasn't ready before but now i am. i really am;' And he starts pleading. and i'm sitting in the middle of my friend and my mom and my mom said' why don't u give him a chance'. and i said 'uhhh no! because after whining about going out last time, and when i FINALLY said 'yes' he changed his mind at the last second and i didn't understand why. Besides i remembered what Karen told me about him taking another girl over his house after he broke up with her. anyway,i started avoiding his texts because he wasn't going to stop unless i quit answering him. A month later, in January, he texted me saying 'will you be my valentine?'. i ignored. From February to May, I heard nothing from him. in May, i happened to think of him and I felt extremely bad for being a little rough with him, so itexted him saying "congratulations on graduating ' (he graduated from the program in May). I didn't get a response from him so i let it go. But about 3-4 weeks later, I get a text from him, asking me how i'm doing. Then he said "look i want to take you out on a date'. I told him he never said a word to me at school, and he said he never talked to me because of Karen. He said that Karen was "crazy" and that she was the jealous type and clearly didn't want him talking to other girls (I kind of sensed that Karen was jealous as well. BTW, Karen sometimes got him to take her over this guy's house. He knew that Karen was using him for rides and such. he also blew up his phone and once called him 12 times in a day. ). I guess I understaood that. Long story short, I decided to give him another chance. When i said "yes" he said "for real?". He was excited, telling all of his friends. I thought it was kind of cute. He even told Karen, and Karen only responded with "OK". (He said he thought it was "messed up" that Karen only said "OK" but didn't say she was happy for us or anything.). Anyway, we texted each other non-stop and talked on the phone every day. 12 days of going out, we meet up and have a nice time (first we hung out at his house, met his friend *who lived with him. i had to ask him to introduce me though* we kissed, *about the kissing- at first he wanted to make out but i thought that was too much for the first date. he was concerned that i was mad at him or something but i wasn't. we ended up just kissing. btw, while we were kissing, he said that i had a pretty smile. Just saying. Then, he took me out to eat. He paid for me. we had good conversation, talking about school and friends and stuff. I got to know him really well. And in the middle of dinner, Karen called him. He answered and told her bluntly "Stop calling me" and Karen hung up. On the way home, he dropped hints that he wanted to break it off. I asked 'why? is it because we kissed?' and he said "no". He said he didn't want to rush anything and he said because he didn't want our relationship to end up how it did with him and Karen. I asked him "so why did you ask me out?" and he said because i was a cool person and that i was one of the nicest girls he'd ever known. he then told me to let's put our relationship "on hold". He gave no indication if this "thing" was going to be renewed or not in the future. He told me he felt bad about doing this and didn';t want me to get home and cry. He took me home. 3 days later, he calls me on his break at work and we have regular conversation (nothing related to the other night, except he asked me if people were asking what happened with us). Over the next 4 weeks, he calls me several times during his breaks at work. One time, he told me about a blind date he went on (the woman was going on 30 yrs old with a child). He told me she was a nice lady but a child was too much for him. I asked him why he went on a blind date and he said because he asked his friend to "introduce him to some girls". (and i'm thinking "why would you ask to be introduced to other women if you didn't want to rush into a relationship?". i was thinking it was a little disrespectful for him to tell me that, considering he broke up with me a little over a week before, just because he didn't want to "rush a relationship". but i didn't say anything. i just said "okay". another time, he told me that Karen had been talking to him non-stop and she had quit talking to that guy. He told me he might go back out with her since she quit talking to the boy. Then i said "oh, okay. hope it works out for yall" (just to show him that it didn't bother me) and then he said "What about you?" and I lied and said i had went on a date with a guy the week before, and he said "hope everything went well". I told him how Karen was a nice girl in general and i wish them the best and he said "yes, but she's crazy". Well, about a week later, i find out he begins dating Karen again, and then a few days later when i text him just to say "hey", he announces to me that he and Karen broke up, that she was just "too crazy". i told him "don't worry about it" and he said "i'm not at all". I didn't hear from him after that. well about a week and some days later, he calls me (probably on his break). I ignore the call. He calls me a second time over an hour later and once again, i ignore,. I text him later that night saying "sorry i missed your call. what's up" and he said "just chilling" or whatever and i said "yeah. same here". And i didn't hear from him after that. What is this guy's deal? he is a little immature and him going out with Karen again was just pointless, after he did ALL THAT TALK about her being jealous and crazy. what is wrong with him, and why does he still call me? it's getting annoying. is he afraid of commitment? does he not know what he wants? does he just feel guilty about the situation? is he a player like i originally suspected? trying to keep me on the backburner in case he doesn't find anyone BETTER? or is he simply just trying to kill time on his break just by talking to me? you know to have something to do until his break is up? thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, I called him last night to straighten things out, on what was up with him and me. And he said "I thought we agreed to be friends", and I said "yes, but you also said let's put our little 'thing' on hold', which he freakin denied ever saying. I'm not stupid, I KNOW he said that. i also asked him why he went out with Karen again, when he was just going to break up with her..AGAIN. Before he said "I don't know why I did that", but last night, he said "because I thought things would be different with Karen and I but they weren't". He also said he didn't want to rush into a relationship and the reason why he dumped me was because he thought that if we kept going, it wouldn't work out. But he didn't even give it a chance (only 12 days) to see what would happen. I asked him "just how were we rushing?' and he said 'because we were saying we loved each other and stuff'. That was his only evidence that we were supposedly "rushing". But for real, he didn;t even give it a chance. He said I sounded mad. I told him I wasn't. i was just trying to settle things. He hung up on me. I texted him telling him not to be mad at me, and there was no answer. But it feels pretty good and I'm glad i got that out the way. if u want to make a relationship work, you have to STICK WITH THAT PERSON and WORK WITH THINGS THE BEST YOU CAN. I'm done with him. I knew he was a player. Thanks for the reply. It really helped.
A
female
reader, sugarandspikes  +, writes (14 August 2011):
Please run as fast as you can away from him. He's not looking for a long term relationship, but to build a small harem of women. If he wanted a relationship with you, he would have made that apparent by now. He has actually done the exact opposite and has strung you around for much longer than you should have devoted to him and has already bailed on you. If you're okay with being the 'sometimes girl' and have no problem with the fact that he is doing the same with several other women, then I would say-go for it. Begging you in front of people is an obvious ploy at attention, affection, and acceptance. People see a guy willing to humiliate himself and think "Wow, he must really be into her." But that's not the case. If it was, you wouldn't go for months at a time without speaking. Furthermore, he would't be speaking with your friend. He knows exactly what he wants- and it's a full bed.
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