A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been having problems lately with this guy that I've been sort of seeing: I've known him since October. We started hanging out in December, in which we spent a lot of time together and had a lot of fun, but then there was winter break. We talked some over break, but not like a ton. When we got back, he started acting semi-distant, so I confronted him about it. He said that he didn't want either of us to get too attached, and I told him that that was fine, that he could tell me if he didn't want to hang out anymore. While we didn't know where we were going, we both agreed to at least be friends. We ended up hanging out more, though, less frequently but for longer stretches of time. Then one night he said that he wanted me, but that he didn't deserve me and that he didn't want to hurt me. He said that he'd hurt anyone who's ever hurt me, but that he's an idiot and I would be better off without him. I didn't really know how to react, though I told him that I care about him a lot, that I don't want to hurt him either. He said he still wanted to hang out, so we have been. He stopped initiating things so much, but he responds whenever I initiate anything. I've met all of his friends and he's met all of mine. He treats me well when we hang out together. The other night, he asked me over, asked me to forget that he doesn't deserve me temporarily. He apologized for his shitty behavior. We hung out and talked and ended up falling asleep on his bed. We've talked since, but I still have no idea where this leaves us.He's opened up some with me, and he has extremely low self-esteem, bordering on depression, but I'm just at a loss on what to do. I've told him that I care about him, that I want him to happy, even if it's not with me. He says that he let me in too close, that I should just forget him. He says that I bring out the best in him, but he's undecided on what to do. I don't know what to do either. I want to believe that if I just wait around, he'll eventually tell me what he wants, but I'm not sure if he ever will. Should I be proactive about it or just forget it all? I think that he's worth it, have said as much, and have been trying to show him that I care, but I don't know if that's what he wants. I don't know if I'm being too much or too little. What should I do about this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): I realy feel bad for this guy. I don't think he should be telling u this cause then it just makes u feel bad for him and want to fix and help him witch will make u love him for the wrong reasons. Do u know why he's so depresses. U also don't want to get involved w/a guy that's soo depresses all the time cause if u guys do end up dating and then breakup god only knows what he will do then. I think u should be there as a friend first get to know him take it realy slow. See if u like him for him ignore his low selfasteem that can go away in the future. Just becareful don't fall for this guy cause u feel bad for him.
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