A
female
age
26-29,
*ulietlovespurple
writes:I met this guy on an online game site and he is 3 years older...I really like him but I just got out of a serious relationship and I don't want to move to fast and mess it up. He is really great and he gets me but he lives 3 states away. he already told me he likes but it seems to good to be true. I want it to work out but I don't know how to make it work with all these things. We talk all the time and am just kind of clueless about how this works...does anyone have any internet dating advice?
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female
reader, GabbieD +, writes (8 January 2013):
My relationship also began at a gaming site. We talked for 9 months, exchanged e-mails and photographs, before we actually met. He lives in a different country from me, so the distance is even worse!How does this work? With lots of waiting and patience. And trust. We don't exactly have a set schedule (hard to do with holidays, school, international travel). But we have made one promise: we'll be honest to each other, including cheating. This is just me and I'm not saying you have to do it, but I have told him that if he cheats, he should tell me right away, and that I will not get angry (I'm waiting until marriage, which is MY choice, so I thought it's only fair to give him options). He has told me sometimes it hurts that I'm not there. I've told him that some guy asked me out. E.t.c.How long have you been talking to each other? I knew the guy fairly well when we started dating (down to allergies, favourite brand of beans, his miserable high school life).Take it slow. If you want to go visit him now, wait a month. You can have movie dates online before meeting him. I think it did help that neither of us had any sexual experience before (can't crave what you've never had), and yes, LDRs are hard, but it would make the end even sweeter, and the LDR research centre in California actually released stats that state LDRS have less break-up rate than SDRs! If you want to have this relationship, though, make sure you discuss plans first; are you going to take this relationship seriously, or just for fun? Marriage? Kids? I know it's really early in the stage but LDRs can't work without a visible goal, and to have that visible goal you need to agree on few things. I probably won't date my boyfriend if he and I didn't agree on kids and marriage. This isn't a mortgage plan so I don't think you need to plan it out THAT meticulously, but you do need to hammer out a few details before becoming committed to each other. Here are a few things we discussed:1. Is this for fun, or are we talking marriage? 2. Kids?3. Level of education we want to complete before getting married?4. Where are we going to live when we get married? Do we know? (As we've both moved internationally, this was especially crucial for us)5. Sex before marriage? (I said no, and he said he agrees)6. Plan if some "mistake" happens? (People get drunk sometimes. Guys can listen to their bodies and not their heads sometimes. E.t.c.)7. Work? (Stay at home mother? Working parent?)8. Religion?LDRs can be tough. But it's not impossible!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 January 2013):
 I’m going to be honest here and tell you I doubt this will work in the long run as a romance. It may be a great online friendship however.
LDRs are very hard.
LDRs when you have never met face to face…. Just a dream till you meet and spend time together and as young people you probably have limited time and financial resources to make it happen on a regular basis… considering you are “three states apart”. That could mean Washington State to Nevada…. Or it could mean Maryland to New Jersey… that’s a big difference.
My husband and I were LDR for a year. WE met in real life in PA and I lived in MD. Once we got serious I drove every weekend up through the state of DE and spent the weekend with him. We were two hours but three states apart.
You are not ready to have a relationship as you have stated due to just getting out of a serious relationship. Are you not over your ex? Or is there some other reason you are not ready?
There are some things that LDRs that are romances need…
Communication you already have this it seems. Although I’m a bit concerned that it’s so early on and you’ve “talked to his family” what is that about?
Trust and honesty (still in the early stages here but IF you guys get serious it could be taxed or tested especially considering how you met)
Regularly scheduled visits. Until you are actually ready to meet him and then start spending time with him, this is a fantasy relationship. It depends on how far apart you are as to how often you see each other. For me, anything under 3 hours is (once serious) almost an every weekend kind of thing. You get in the car after work and you drive to your partner. If you both can manage visiting each other than you split it. One weekend he comes to you, one you go to him. Once we were serious we were together at MINIMUM every Friday Saturday and Sunday nights… I used a lot of vacation time and we often had Thursday nights as well.
We have friends who are the same distance apart. He does not drive. He gets on the train and comes to visit his WIFE three out of four weekends…. They skype for two hours every night and will live like this for three more years…. Till he retires. Train tickets run him nearly 100 dollars A WEEK. My trip up to PA involved gas, wear and tear on the car (100 miles EACH WAY) and tolls…. CAN YOU TWO AFFORD to have an LDR?
And Finally the most important key to an LDR is “who is going to move?” My husband gave up his apartment that he had lived in for ten years. He gave up a job. He gave up his comfort zone and his entire life to move to be with me. THE ENTIRE GOAL of an LDR is to NOT be an LDR. You need to have a goal for ending the distance. Once you realize you are serious, then you have to figure it out.
I would say that by 6 months of being exclusive with regular visitation that you should know. Oh and IF you cannot have regularly scheduled visitation, then I would not become an exclusive LDR… in fact, I would consider keeping it as just friends.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 January 2013):
Let me tell you one simple piece of advice:
If you intend on beginning a long distance relationship you have to have a plan. Not, "someday we'll be together" but "When I graduate I'm going to move near you and once every _________ I'll visit you until then."
Otherwise your just going to be committed to some dream while other potentially great guys pass you by.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 January 2013):
Good. At least you know he's no lying weirdo!
I agree with the others. I think your best bet right now is to take it slow, get to now him via net, then when you feel ready, maybe meet him in a public place to see what he's really like!
If he's a decent guy, he'll understand that you need to take it slow, and he won't push anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): I would wait until you're free of all remaining feelings for your ex before deciding whether or not you actually have any feelings for this guy you get on with, but have never met. You said yourself you don't want to mess it up by rushing, so I would keep chatting to him as you are, explain the situation to him, and say you need a bit more time yet so you don't rush into making another mistake. If he's genuine he will stick around but if not, then he's not worth the effort.
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A
female
reader, Julietlovespurple +, writes (6 January 2013):
Julietlovespurple is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah I'm sure I've skyped with him and seen his face and I've talked to his family.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 January 2013):
I've got to ask this question - are you sure he is who he says he is?
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