A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:helloI am a woman 29 years of age. I met this man on a marriage site we live in 2 different countries we chatted, sent pictures, talk on the phone, I talked to his family. And we found that we have many things in common the problem is that he wants to meet me cause he is considering marriage, he even offered me tickets but I couldn't go, then he asked to talk to my parents, my dad said there is no marriage that happens through a site and that I can't marry a person I never saw and don't know the background.Actually I like this man and think he is a good match for me but I am going to send my relatives to him to check him up.If my relatives tell me that he is a good person and all what he told me was true, what should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): Agreed with all the other Aunts. People will refuse to buy cars, homes, furniture, appliances...sight unseen. So why are you thinking of marrying a guy.....sight unseen?? Whoa, whoa. That is very careless. These marriage sites are disturbing, to me. If one is naive and silly to think they can find their 'prince charming' on these sites, without meeting this person, they need to give their head a shake. These sites play on people's strong decsire to buy into the marriage game. Joyful marriages, kids, the house, happily ever after? No. The reality is, why do people want to marry someone that they have never even met? I think the online dating scenario is okay for the 'introducing' someone to someone else. But that's it. Once the introduction happens, a few emails and phone calls are placed, and then within 2-4 weeks of meeting online-a real life encounter should be taking place, with all the precautionary measures, in place. If it doesn't happen and the other person refuses to do that, say good bye...then you move on.
Firstly, I do not believe, for one minute, anyone can 'fall in love'(in the truest sense) online without meeting their potential bf/gf, face to face. You can-- become infatuated, flattered and your ego is simply boosted and complimented by someone's attentions, online but you can't love someone you have never, ever seen. Gosh, that sounds so incredibly desperate and needy! All you are doing is projecting your own fantasies/dreams of marriage/romance on them and they are doing the same to you. I just feel when this happens so quickly, that should tell a person, there is an lonely, emotional void in their life. Period. Fix that, first. Then get out and meet a nice fellow in the real world..one where you both go into each other's world and scrutinze, evaluate who the other person truely is. And there are a lot of second rate, scumbags out there, that prey on nice, vulnerable people.
So you have to be very careful here, dear. Be extremely selective, in the future and remember, online meetings are just to 'open the door' to making new friends. Then one builds from there sloowly. Real life and getting to know each other's family, friend's and going into each other's world, where a true, real love can grow and it takes time. And if this guy is pressuring you and not willing to take his time with you...what is that telling you? I would step back and think about this very, very seriously. This is your future, your happiness...hold out for the person that you know will give you that. Good luck and choose wisely.
A
female
reader, Cindy303  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 You are 29 and I want you to think for a minute about what your asking. Marriage is a very serious step in life for people who have been dating and together for years. Your parents are so right and I hope you listen to what they are saying and you understand that you cant just marry a man you met on the internet. Its possible that you guys will meet up and fall madly in love, but, you dont know this man, you have never met him, he knows nothing about you. Please dont go and meet him by yourself and dont accept any hand in marriage. You need to date first, get to know one another and then go from there. Please....think about this.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (6 April 2008):
Sending someone else to meet him is a good plan.... you have no idea if this man is who he says he is or if he has a dark side.
Marriage is a HUGE step for anyone to take.
You and this man could be really good friends at the moment but you may not have that spark to take it to the next step.
Perhaps go on a holiday to his country with friends? Make sure you have your own hotel to stay in and you keep someone with you at all times.
Why are you on a marriage website anyway? It's far better to get out and make new friends and meet new men that way.
Good Luck xx
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A
female
reader, I care  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 My advice is this, how well can you really get to know a person over the internet or even the phone. In this world people can play Mr. or even Mrs. Perfect quite easily this way. My sister though she met a mr perfect online I'd say about 1year and a half ago now and they had plenty in common so she thought cuz that's what he made her believe. He sent her tickets to come see him and all but she stuck to her guns and said she wanted to meet him in her own surroundings so if anything went wrong she would be somewhat safe or at least know places to go and such, anyway to make a long story short she found out later on that he could not cross the border cus he was actually a murderer, he had killed 2 people and was currently out of prision but still was not allowed to leave his country. I'm telling you this so you don't get fooled like she did. She could have gotten seriously hurt or worse dead cus she thought she knew him well enough to pursue a life long relationship. Please consider and think over what your father has said, he's only saying these things cus he loves you and wants to protect you and I'm not saying this guy is bad or anything but I think you should get to know him in person on your home ground not his so you're in the safety net of people that love you.PLEASE BE CAREFUL there are a lot of weird and crazy people out there. I hope this helps you in some way. All the best and play it safe, get to know him yourself before you make this commitment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): Don't even consider it....please ?
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