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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Ok so I met this girl a year ago on the internet, she lives across the country from me. We instantly hit it off and spent hours talking to each other. After a few months we met up and we were inseperable for the whole day. A month or two later our relationship broke down when she told me she had another guy at home and even though she loved me she wanted him for her needs. Feeling the same way about her I got really hurt by it and decided to cut the relationship. A few months on we start talking again, she says she was wrong apologises to me and tells me that she's going to be in my life by the end of this year. she is moving closer to me and wants me in her life too. The problem is I get the feeling that although she is claiming to be single I know there is another guy at home yet again.I really do love this girl and that's why it hurts so much, she tells me she loves me and it is quite evident that she does, but there is still this thing bugging me.I want to wait it out but it's going to get increasingly painful if it carries on, what do I do?
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 I have been in the SAME Type of situation as you, young man. It is not pretty. My online dating situation roughly ended(maybe, maybe not...it depends on what day it is)with my gal hanging up on me after the surprise phone call to her house. Hushed tones, stunted, quiet speech, like she was talking from a closet.She had someone else. Then after a two week disapearing act, contacts me and says "I'm sorry I confuse you"? Dont Buy Into It. This woman may have feelings for you, but she can have the best of both worlds: she has her boyfriend around to fulfill her physical needs(sex) and you halfway across the country to fulfill the emotional side that her boyfreind obviously can't provide. The Agony Aunts helped me tremendously when I had my problems in my online relationship. I am still convinced that you can fall in love online without ever seeing the other person, but as in my situation, I am at the other side of a computer screen or telephone, which the other person can choose to turn on or off at will.She's putting you off so you will not lose interest. Nothing more. She wants it both ways.Please feel free to message me, for I have much more to tell you that may help you. I know your pain.
A
female
reader, Variety  +, writes (7 February 2008):
 If she has another guy in her life then she is not in a psoition to say that to you. Tell her to contact you when she lives near you and is single. Then you can get on with your life in the meantime. If she doesn't get in touch then you will know you were right to be suspicious and can start getting over her. If she does want to be with you, then you backing off might make her realise it is time for her to act on what she says.Hope this helps. Message me if you want to talk. x
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (7 February 2008):
 Hey,
Woah, what a horrible situation, I do sympathise with you.
I think you need to tell her that you know that there is another guy and that yuo just can't share her.
Tell her that you feel that you can't deal with this kind of thing anymore because she's causing you so much heartache.
You need to separate from her and tell her to mke up her mind because she just can't have both of you.
If you separate from her for now, you have two ways to go:
- she'll go with the guy from home and then you will be free to move on with your life
- She'll miss you in the time that you are separated and choose you and then you can move on from here.
I think this kinda of split is necessary because you are stuck in the region of "the un-known of what my partner wants". And to get past that YOU have to do something about it, because she obviously won't.
Tell her that she needs to come to a conclusion because she can't have you both. Separate from her and then move on with your life accordingly.
Just my advice but I hope it helps.
Take care xx
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