A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex saw me driving along as i was on my way to the beach. Then he turned around and found me at the beach and asked if I wanted to go for a walk. It was really nice, and I was going surfing, so he went back home and got his board and we were both surfing together like we used to.Also, when I was in the carpark, the minute he drove in, I had a call from a delivery company, they were trying to deliver something to my house. Well, I found out when I got home that the delivery was from him and it was a bunch of red roses with a message saying have a wonderful day.Well, it was a really nice day and also beautiful flowers. With the timing it feels weird. There's no way he had enough time to order the flowers between seeing me in the car and finding me at the beach. He must have put the order in that morning.I had broken up with him 2 months previously and not seen him. Tried to forget him but really missed him. I was so upset last weekend with missing him. But I never answered any of his calls as I wanted a clean break.But when we were together I found him controlling and jealous. I don't want to get back together with him so I went to his house today to tell him it's not going anywhere. But I couldn't seem to get the words out. I started saying I needed time on my own to sort my head out and he laughed at me saying I was making everything so complicated.I'm really confused now. I think he thinks we are back together again. He also denies laughing at me, says he always wants to hear about my thoughts and feelings.It sort of feels like inevitable that we'll end up together. Does this mean it's meant to be?Please help! I'm really confused!
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flowers, get back together, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 agreed it's not a coincidence... he's jealous and controlling.. he knows your routine... it was all planned and premeditated.
just tell him that you are not together and if he cares about you he will respect your wishes and leave you alone.
IF he can't leave you alone, use that as the sign that his "love" for you is not about YOU but rather it's about what HE WANTS.... that's selfish and not love.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Hi
Run a mile, make it plain it is over,by phone.This is not some romantic coincidence it's him planning every move and stalking you.
Start to record every thing he does,every call, the name of the delivery people for the flowers the lot.He knows your movements and knows where you go,its not romantic its creepy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2013): Thank you, that helps a lot.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2013): "How can I overcome my mixed feelings?"
Put the final nail in coffin by telling him it's never going to happen then take your time and move on.
OP we all miss our ex's in the beginning. No matter how bad the relationship you do still lose a lot. Just keep reminding yourself why you want to move on. Any time you feel you're missing him, train your mind to think of all the little incidents that made you walk in the first place.
It'll take time. But let her head guide you. You miss your time surfing together? Then remember the time he blew a fuse because you only talked to another guy. You miss being held by him? Remind yourself of all the times he belittled you, made you feel he could do better, made you question yourself etc. Those specifically may not have happened but you get the idea.
Just be careful not to romanticise the past OP, ex's look oh so amazing when you look back in time. You can even get to a stage of denial where you convince yourself there really was nothing wrong and you were a fool to leave etc.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2013): Thank you. It's OP here. How can I overcome my mixed feelings? Why do I still miss him sometimes? Thank you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2013): Jesus OP, you make it sound like some kind of beautiful movie romance, when the fact is. He waited for you after planning this whole thing.
There's no coincidence that he "just so happened to see you going surfing". You used to all the time so he knows your habits. Let me guess, he's the one who told you he saw you driving and you didn't actually see him. he followed you to the beach, looked you up, then went home and got his board at the same time as having flowers delivered to your home.
The guy is a dangerous weirdo OP. But hey, you women find that kind of dangerous possessiveness incredibly romantic.
OP he very deliberately went to all this trouble to make you feel like "it's meant to be", he went to a lot of work to trick you into thinking being with him so awesome, what a coincidence that this all happened, yeah right.
The guy is jealous and controlling, and here again you have even more evidence of him trying to exert control on you. He's not changed OP, he's just going to pretty stalkerish levels to win you back. Which again shows he's still a crazy control freak.
OP you tried to tell him seriously that you needed time and he laughed you off like you're a "silly little girl" that has to make "everything so complicated".
There is nothing complicated here OP other than your feelings. You know you don't want to get back him, you know what he's playing at but your feelings are still getting the better of you. You need to go with your head on this one OP and you need to send your thoughts and reasons in an email. He knows he has absolute power over you and knows he is in control and if he can just get you talking to him he can play on your weakness for him. Why do you think he keeps demanding to see you in person, and why he goes to such lengths to force you to see him in person?
What you're feeling is not "it's meant to be" it's "I know I won't be able to say no for long and he'll win". You're just going to end up back with this controlling, manipulative ass because you keep letting him back in.
You ignore his calls, he magically shows up in person. You tell him you need space, he laughs in your face and then denies it.
How ling are you going to let him play you like this?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 March 2013):
 Did he get therapy or counseling for his controlling and jealous ways? I would be worried too about the coincidence of the flowers and showing up unexpectedly.
I'd call him and make it very clear that you are not back together again. Read it from a script or a letter if you have trouble speaking spontaneously.
And no, none of this means that you having a relationship with a jealous, controlling stalker is meant to be.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (3 March 2013):
 I would be quite worried about the fact that he knew where to find you at the exact time the flowers were delivered to your house. That's a pretty big coincidence. If he was jealous and controlling then I don't think the two of you were meant to be, but he is trying to make you believe this. You sound quite confused about your feelings for him. The first part of your post describes something very nice with somebody nice, the second part is quite disturbing. You say that you couldn't say what you wanted to say, meaning you can't be yourself around him. He also didn't accept it when you said you needed time and you say he seems to think the two of you are back together.Don't see these as signs that it's meant to be. I think you need to make it clear that it's over and then stay very far away from this guy.
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