A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry if this is a bit long-- So I was studying abroad in Italy this past semester (where most of my family is from, and I am fluent in Italian) and met an Italian man through mutual friends a few weeks before I was due to go home. I actually ended up losing my virginity to him and we had an amazing time together. Before I left I tried not to have any expectations of him staying in touch- although we had texted the night before I left promising to wait for the other- with the hope that I will be able to come back next year after I finish school. I was certainly not expecting him to stay in touch as other friends had hooked up with people abroad and never heard from them again. I have been home for 2 months now and he actually surprised me the day after I got home with an email asking how my trip was, that I got home okay, etc. We normally write to each other one or two times a week just updating each other, and we also chat online. My friends back home were happy for me but one suggested I don't get my hopes up and ask him what exactly his expectations are for this- as we are far away and won't be seeing each other for quite some time. His answer was much like my expectations- that we're both happy with what we had, that we don't have any particular expectation for the future especially because it's so hard to maintain a special relationship so far away, but that we're happy to stay in touch and hopefully see each other again soon. However, my friends still caution me that he just wants me for sex- but how can this be the case if we're still in regular contact (with him initiating usually)? We're definitely not exclusive and last time we chatted online he randomly asked if I had met anyone else in these past few months and he was happy that my answer was no (and his was as well). I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has insight as to how I should proceed. I am happy to stay in contact with him, but I worry that he might not be serious about this- for me, I don't want to waste my time staying in touch and if I do visit next year, I certainly don't want to waste my money if he isn't serious about this as well. Should I continue staying in touch or at some point should I address whether he wants this to ever be serious or where he expects this to go as we do have a very long distance between us?
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female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (2 July 2010):
I would just like to say it's kinda hard to just want you for sex? when it is a long distant relationship! you know what i would do i would stay in touch and don't rush things and just be happy what you are doing now. i mean what else can you do you are seperated by being long distance, but you said you had a nice time w/ him and that is a good memorie that you will always have! whether you get together or not? so just enjoy each others e-mails and phone calls and live in the moment not what will be and end up exhausting your brain out and see where it goes! don't try to perdict the furture enjoy the moment woo him with you and the person you are make him laugh and talk about what he likes tell him what you like get to know each other even if it is long distance!!
Sincerely:
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 We can't know if he's serious. He has stayed in touch, but that could mean either thing.
You won't know if he's serious unless you really ask him and spend some more time talking to him and et cetera.
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