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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Can anyone help me please. I'm too embarrassed to talk about this to anyone even to a counsellor.The thing is, I know I should just go up to a woman ask her out and see what happens from there but its a lot harder for me now than when I first started dating.I haven't even considered dating since my last girlfriend which was January 2008 (i'm 21, 22 in october). I was alright when flirting with women to begin with when I first started uni. However my first attempt was so cringey I don't want to talk about it here (even though I'm being anonymous and it wasn't illegal) but basically touched areas which would be deemed inappropriate on a woman had it not been for the fact I was drunk.Got a date with another girl a week later but was rubbish. Then I started to get to know this girl on my course (this was to be the last time I have dated, been with a girl) and we sort of had sex but I couldn't get an erection, then we started dating and then she broke up with me. She said she wasn't ready for a boyfriend and it had nothing to do with what happened that night. Even though 2 months later she slept with her current boyfriend who she started dating afterwards.I know some of you will say I'm pathetic because of this but it is the only reason to explain my absolute fear of asking a girl out and never wanting to have sex ever again due to what happened on my first and only attempt.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): My advice -- don't rush! If you're thinking in terms of the timeline StudentOfLife mentioned, you'll have no trouble. Find a girl who's into a relationship and going slow, not a gal who wants to sleep with someone on a first date. Go on dates, get to know each other. Start with a kiss as appropriate, and move forward only as you both are comfortable. If you wait until the time is emphatically right, mother nature won't let you down.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): The facts are unless you keep trying things are going to stay the same and as sex is such a vital part of a relationship now days.. practice (in a non- whorish way) will help build up to some-one you truly like. Have fun on the way. Can friends not help you? Go out for I believe they call them ''lads nights out'' expand on your experiences.. but from your drunken night I wouldn't over do it. Most people's first time's are terrible it's just the way it happens, just don't give up hope.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 May 2009):
 If you fall off a horse you should just get back on. Grit your teeth and gird thy loins and keep trying Buddy. It will get easier and your bad experience will be replaced with good ones. Good luck let us know how things work out.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (21 May 2009):
 Action cures fear every time. If you do what you fear, the fear disappear.
When a guy is stressed, he will have a harder time to get hard because there's lots of thing on his mind. It might have been too fast for your first experience, it took me about 8 months to see my first girlfriend naked and about a year to first have vaginal sex with her.
Next time, maybe wait a bit more before doing anything and see how that will work out.
The first time is strange for everybody, there's only one first time too.
Hope it helps.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (21 May 2009):
 You know what you need to do but if you feel as if you can't just get on with your life then you need a counsellor, don't be embarrassed, x
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