A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I got nostalgic and looked up and messaged an old high school boyfriend on a social networking site a couple of months ago. He was someone that I would have really liked to reconnect with but I did not get a reply from him. I have looked through similar questions here and a lot of people are saying it is a bad idea to contact old boyfriends and girlfriends because of affairs. I did not think about the possibility of an affair when I messaged him but now that he has not replied I cannot stop thinking about him. It's driving me nuts. We just finished because we were very young and he went away to college we never fought. I always thought of him over the years but never dared to contact him.. until now. When we were together he would always tell me how attracted he was to me and how much he liked me, I have not changed too much so I would think he recognised me, it hurts me that he could not reply. I know this is a trivial matter and feel stupid that this is bothering me so much.Seeing his photo brought back memories for me, can anyone tell me how it feels to see an old flame's photo after 23 years? One that you had been really close to.. Could you really just look at it, feel nothing and move on?Thanks
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 Looking at an old "flames" picture and feel a sense of nostalgia I would venture is fairly normal but, once you cross over to a more obsessive state I think you really need to step back and look at what you are doing and find the reason WHY you are doing it too. I would guess it's a attempt of escapism you want to "relive" the glory days" of young love. The thing is, neither of you are the same people you were back then. Are you unhappy with your life as it is now? Is that why you want to "crawl back into the past"?
If he doesn't answer there is most likely a reason. He doesn't WANT to talk or rekindle the past.
So what do you do? You need to accept it and let go of the dream/fantasy becoming a reality. And focus on making your life a better place for you.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 October 2012):
 My point was just to emphasize that you are just wasting you time, but if you are just asking an idle question then yes, it is quite possible to see a picture of an old high school boyfriend and have it illicit no real emotion other than a fleeting curiousity. As long as you are not DWELLING on this you are just fine, however if you are obesessing over it then you need to seek professional help in order to get on with your life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 I don't think you have angered anybody and surely you haven't angered me: if you want to carry a torch for 23 years, be my guest, it's YOUR torch.
It sounds though as if yours was not actually a question, but a request for confirmation of a theory of yours .
That, I can't provide; in fact, both in my experience and according to logic, most people do not feel particularly anything seeing the pic of someone who belongs to a very distant romantic past - they have MOVED ON. It's like seeing the pic of the car you used to drive 23 years ago, or of the house used that you lived in - and just for a while !- 23 years ago. It's a memory, - at times a nice memory, but , if they are your average people who follow the forward motion of life and avoid getting stuck in the past - nothing more than that.
If you want to be surprised by the fact that somebody who had 23 years to reconnect with you and chose not to do it, sticks to his no reconnection policy for the 24th year in a row, by all means go ahead. But demanding that other people find it equally surprising,it's a bit much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): I came on here thinking I might hear from some people who had received messages from long lost lovers and hoping to hear their stories but it seems that I have just angered people for some reason.
I have not started an affair with anyone I don't want to start an affair, I am not even married. I just want to try and understand how someone feels when they hear from or see a person from their past - someone who once meant someone to them.
I did say that this is a person I always thought of so yes I do have issues around him so there is no need to imply that there is something wrong with me for feeling the way I do.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 October 2012):
I bet ! Of course one can just look at the pic, feel nothing and move on- what else, after TWENTYTHREE years ?!
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A
female
reader, Trinklett +, writes (13 October 2012):
 Yes you can see an ex's picture on Facebook and get on with your life. You're obviously having your own issues or you would have long forgotten him by now. Like you've already heard and read, it is always a bad idea so leave him in your past and don't try to look desperate by sending another message in case he didn't get the first one. Imagine if he's already hooked up with another old flame that ended badly and is trying to dust himself off of it and then there you come along, he'll be running miles from you. Its amazing how much people get tangled in affairs. I'd face the life I'm leaving if I were you. MHO
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): Thanks for your replies, I appreciate you taking the time to answer.However, while I see your points about moving on (I am trying to do that I know how I feel now is unhealthy) you have no answered my question - can anyone tell me how it feels to see an old flame's photo after 23 years? Could you really just look at it, feel nothing and move on?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): I connected thru Facebook with an ex from 22yrs ago..we had an affair sparked by the nostalgic feelings you have. It was a MESS! As said below, get on with your life. Put bluntly, you are a long-forgotten speck from his past. Leave it there.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 October 2012):
He's most likely is married with a passel of kids and doesn't have time for this nonsense. Get yourself busy and try to get your mind off it.
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