A
female
age
,
*ompletely Confused
writes:Hello, I'm 48 and feel like I should have this relationship stuff all figured out, not the case at all. Also, it does not matter your age when you feel strongly about that special person-your heart still feels like a 16 y/o girl.I met this man an online dating site with all the usual occurring; emails, phone calls and then the first date after a week. Great date ended with a kiss. Second date; his house for a movie. We did sleep together-(two consenting adults who felt passion-so it happened). Next date went to a party and then back to his house we slept together. The next day he invited me to lunch at his restaurant. We both were tired from the night before, but he seemed a bit distant. I had to return to work and a weird hug was exchanged and he said he would call me-he hasn't and I will not call him.At the party I took a few pics, a friend of his took pics of he and I. I posted them on fb and he tagged all of them except the ones of us together. I don't believe in the "don't sleep with him too soon rule' If he's an ass, better to find it out sooner than later. But the damn pic thing is really bothersome. Would really appreciate a male perspective on this, as I just don't understand why men just can't say;"hey I'm really not into you". I tell men that straight up. Thanks for reading. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): I don't think it's a matter of having sex too soon.I had both versions many times, and some of mine too soon sex turned out to be long lasting relationship, like this one for the past 10 years. Yes, me and my husband had sex the first night, and it was great, we still laugh about it. Several before him also were " too soon sex" and one lasted 3 years, another almost a year. I also had several " I'm not that kind of girl" dates, that I was withholding sex for a month or two, and then when it finally happened guys just disappear or started acted weird, not wanting to date but keeping me for sex only. Go figure!Especially in the age you are, what does it matter. Thats my opinion of course. Why I would be cautious now when I'm older, I would try to figure out what kind of person I'm dealing with, just for the sake of not risking my emotional wellbeing. Not wanting to be hurt over and over again I would be choosier than I was when I was much younger. The best attitude to adapt here is have your fun, and have as much sex as you wish, but not to get upset when you meet someone like that guy. Let him go easily, not to get involved emotionally, and keep looking for that special one who is also looking for a partner, and who also doesn't want to be alone. I really don't think it matters very much at this stage of age if you had sex on third or on 7 th date. Also about him not telling you that he is not that much into you. It is an unpleasant thing to say, so I understand why he wouldn't say it to your face. Also, I agree with opinion that by saying that he would cut off all future casual sex encounters.
A
female
reader, Completely Confused +, writes (22 August 2012):
Completely Confused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the responses, I honestly do. It is always the same double standard; if women sleep with a man early in meeting-shes cheap, but if the man puts out-he has conquered his quest! For me, it's not about the sex, its about being an honest being, whether male or female.
Thanks again
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 August 2012):
Here's your lesson on "Guy think", relative to not being in to a woman....
1. Our primary goal in life is to spread our seeds (have s*x - we justify it biologically!). NEVER overlook that....
2. Women who put out too soon after meeting risk being tried, enjoyed and cast aside....
3. We DON'T say, or write, "I'm just not that in to you" because that would have the effect of closing the door on s*x with you, in the future... and we want to make sure we can ALWAYS get back to that if you (women) are gullible enough to succumb to our charms...
Does this clarify the matter for you? (I hope so!)
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (22 August 2012):
 if a man is getting sex when a relationship is starting or just met a woman he may be getting what he wants, or it may turn him away. what do i mean by turn him away, if he is looking for a relationship with a woman and she puts out early in dating it will make him wonder how many other guys does she give this too? a man will not be emotionally connected early. " i don't believe in the(don,t sleep with him too soon rule)if he is an ass better to find out sooner than later" i am afraid you are making more men on your "ass list" by giving sex early . if you did not putout give sex early you could weed out any bad guys quick enough. the ones that was not into you but, just with you for sex would not hang around long if you don't give them what they want. that is just my view , you don't have to agree with it.
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A
female
reader, Completely Confused +, writes (22 August 2012):
Completely Confused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your reply, and you are most certainly right. Moving on, as they say.
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A
female
reader, Completely Confused +, writes (22 August 2012):
Completely Confused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuess I will never understand why men can not provide clarification. Again, I believe that is good to find out all aspects of your partner as soon as possible, including if they are a good lover. So, I'm not concerned about the sex, just the lack of communication & honesty. Those two words are an oxymoron for men...lol
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 August 2012):
 I have just given the exact same piece of advice to a male as I'm about to give to you (here is the question - http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-makes-girls-act-like-this.html)
Both men and women do this, it is not limited to one sex. And it boils down to people (men and women) being cowards. They are too afraid to say how they really feel, perhaps they dont like conflict and they dont want to hurt the other person, so they think the silent treatment is the better option. The reality is that we would prefer the honest approach, but some people think that if they said 'I'm just not that into you' there would be tears, drama etc so it is easier to say nothing at all.
We would all prefer it if everyone was honest with each other, and some of us are capable of that, but others are such cowards that they would prefer to hide behind silence until the other person gets the hint and goes away.
At least you have found out fairly quickly that he is an ass and you can do better, dont waste your time trying to figure him out as he's just one of those people that are not worth your time.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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