A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating a few months but have already fallen in love. We're both 21.Recently we made the mistake of discussing each other's pasts. I'm a virgin, but he has been with one girl 2 years ago. He questioned losing it to her, but she pressured him and he finally gave in. Their "relationship" which was pretty much sex and hanging out(she was not his girlfriend) lasted a few months until he ended it.Thoughts of this drive me crazy. I'll admit I feel a little insecure, because i'm sexually inexperienced, but also because I wonder if my boyfriend thinks about this girl and what it was like to be with her....I wonder if she is important to him because he lost his virginity to her.I know I need to get over this. MEN, please help me feel better about this...I know my boyfriend loves me and he didn't love her. Is sex for guys really just..sex? Would it be more special with me?
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (19 March 2010):
 Danielepew is 100% right. You're not the only person out there who has concerns about their partners previous encounters. Yours is a bit more compounded because you are still a virgin so you are a bit more self conscious. Don't let your first time be effected because you are worrying about this. You asked if sex could really be JUST sex, and in my opinion... yes.
There are countless relationships and marriages out there where one partner doesn't like the fact that someone else has had their mate in a way that they haven't. The solution? Have YOUR guy in a way that other person hasn't.... with his love.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 Dear poster, I have something to tell you first. I do not give opinions so that posters will feel better. That is not the right thing to do. In my opinion, if you have a problem, what I need to do is help you analyze it so you can reach your own conclusion about it. I'm not here to make you feel well, sorry.
Why is it important for you that your boyfriend had another person before you? Apparently, because you feel that he won't be thinking of you when he's with you. I don't think so. It is perfectly possible to think of person A while you have sex or are in a relationship with person B, but that's not always the case, and I have a feeling that it's clearly not your case.
Men and women can have sex with one partner first, and then another, and still enjoy and find that sex with their current partner is just what they want.
Your boyfriend didn't know he would find you. He did what he did on the basis of what his life was at the time. It didn't have anything at all to do with you, because you didn't exist in his life and probably he hadn't even met you. He can't wipe out what he did or with whom.
You can take him as he is, or not. What do you think you should do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks....an important thing to note is that he never loved this girl...and she was never his girlfriend because they both said they didn't want a relationship. He liked her and they had a mutual attraction but he says his feelings plateaued after a while and that they definitely never had a special connection...i asked him if the sex made him feel closer to her and he said no..which made me feel better..He says nobody has ever meant to him what I mean to him so I know where I stand but I also can't help but think that this girl has had MY guy in a way that I haven't even have.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 March 2010):
He loves you, he is with you, so yes, it's very special to him. And that's the way you have to look at it. He is with you because he wants you, and that's all that counts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): this may be a biased response or a non normal guy response but this situation is strongly related to me. I personally had lost my virginity to a girl when i was a senior in high school and she was my second gf but first love. although she cheated on me three times i still cared about her. finally we ended it for good and i have moved on. i found the love of my life 3 years later who has never had a bf and i love her and we have been together for over a year. as she wants to do more me and her expereince new things. i teach her and please her and she learns the same way. i never think about my ex girlfriend except for when i do things lik this which is to help you understand he is most likely over her if he says he loves you. Love is a hard word to say unless hes a dick. so he may still have slight feelings for his ex becasue love is strong but he should be over her if he was able to say those words to you now.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (18 March 2010):
It's definitely possible for a guy to lose his virginity to a girl in that situation. While "good" guys won't always go for the one night stands and try to lose their virginity any way they can, they don't always wait for "the one". Sometimes a guy can just be with a girl he trusts and that he's sexually attracted but not have actual feelings.
My opinion? Relax. He's with you now. Guys in your boyfriend's position aren't turned off by the fact that you haven't had sex before or that you may not have any experience. Sex with that last girl could most definitely have just been sex. That doesn't mean he didn't trust her, but it sounds like it wasn't love. Don't let this ruin your first time. Also, from your description, I SERIOUSLY doubt it's THAT important to him that he lost his virginity to her. There's more to having sex then just penetration. While she may have been his first "technically", if you both love eachother then you will be his REAL first, just like he will be for you....
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