A
female
age
30-35,
*tarstruck.x.x.x
writes:Hi all, I need some advice from men who will know or should know the answer! Basically, I'm not the best at relationships, I don't know how to act and I manage to ruin things in the early stages. Basically, two Fridays ago I went out clubbing where I met this sailor, we were dancing and messing around and talking, we never kissed but he asked me for my number so I gave it to him. Basically, I'm not interested in the hassle of a relationship because im just no good at it, but I like this bloke and kinda wouldn't mind having a casual relationship with him. We don't text much, only occasionally, to find out if the other person is going out into town that evening but we've not met up since we first met. Can someone please, please, please tell me how I should act around him? In what way should I text? And saying what? Do I stay casual? Do I be ignorant and play hard to get? Do I suggest we meet up? I literally have no idea but I do want a casual sexual relationship with him, and nothing serious. Do I make this known to him? Please, someone help me! Can any males shed any light on what he's thinking or what he probably wants me to say or what he'd hate me to say?? Please help!!!
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female
reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (14 June 2012):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBasically I heard that one of his mates who my friend knows was leaving the navy base down here next week and leaving for good so I just asked him how long he was gonna be around for and then he said he was going on the ship in September and I asked if he was coming back and he said yes so then I said cool, well I'm up for something casual if you are. And why this particular sailor? because there's an attraction there. If I went online and found someone within minutes I'd have no idea if I liked them or was attracted to them in real life but at least I know that the chemistry is already there with this man. besides, its not about me finding anyone to have sex with, it's about seizing an opportunity with someone who is more likely to want it to stay casual because of his job than any other man I know/meet
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 June 2012):
 Just wondering how that texting started. What was the first sentence before you mentioned casual sex? You've already done enough to show interest. Anything beyond that you are working way too hard. Sure men like it when women take the initiative, take the reigns and take control but when it actually happens in real life, it throws them off guard because they didn't rehearse about how to respond to it. It doesn't mean you play hard to get though. I don't understand why it has to be this particular sailor. If you post an add online you will get faster results. You can even pick or choose the guy you want and respond to them. I believe you can be upfront about your desires, just have to make sure that person is on the same page and is available. Never take it personally if he doesn't respond. It could be that he is afraid of falling in love and getting hurt by you.
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A
female
reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (13 June 2012):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo what do I do?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 June 2012):
A guy who wants the same thing would have no problems with it. He's just saying this because he has not heard that from a young girl for a long time. I think he might even be surprised by your lack of experience. That doesn't matter though. All you wanted to know is does he want you or not.
He might be thinking with a hot girl like you you must be getting tons of offer and he is puzzled why you are even waiting for him like you have no options. He might be wondering what your motives are? I know women have drives too but it's uncommon for a young girl like you to just ask a stranger, at least for him. It's true he met you at a night club and it seems like most men like casual sex but that doesn't mean he won't be timid about it.
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A
female
reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (13 June 2012):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I text him saying 'I'm up for something casual if you are ;)' and he replied saying 'sounds good. You're quite forward aren't you'
Oops Is that a bad thing? :p
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A
female
reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (12 June 2012):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice everyone, And sandman I know it'll be hard not to get attached but i really love the idea of having sex every now and again (with the same person) but not having to make the effort every day like you have to in a proper relationship. I'm sure I'll get emotionally attached to him once we have sex but I actually see it as I'm helping him out and he's helping me out :) plus, the difference is, we were never friends before and the only time we'll meet up will be to have sex (hopefully, when I ask him) so there won't be any time for me to be getting overly attached or for things to get complicated. I literally just want sex :)
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (12 June 2012):
Asking a man if he wants to have a casual sexual relationship is like asking a politician if they want more money to spend. Closest thing to a sure thing I know.
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (12 June 2012):
 I remember sitting in a friends room watching television, just hanging out. A commercial for a movie or tv show or something came on in which the premise was two of the characters had a FWB relationship (this was back in 1995). The commercial went off and the thought entered my mind. So I asked my female friend "would you be interested in this type of casual sexual relationship?" to which she answered "Ummmm. Yeah!" I had NEVER considered ever having sex with her up to that point.
So, the next week, I was in her bed having sex. And for two years, it was pretty good.
My point is, if you want that type of relationship, just be upfront and say so. You'll be amazed at how willing some (dare I say most) men are to having a no-strings-attached sexual relationship. He's a sailor, so he'll be on the ship for weeks and months at a time with mostly men and some women, but no sexual contact. He WILL want that when he gets on land. If you're his go-to person, trust me, he'll call you EVERY time.
However, FWB relationships are very, very complicated in my opinion AND experience. Yes, there is the benefit of not having an actual relationship with the person, but strong emotions are often developed from these relationships. Knowing how to navigate those emotions and feelings is very tricky. If one person develops feeling but the other doesn't share in those feelings, it can spell trouble. Believe me when I tell you, whether you want to or not, feelings CAN develop. Be careful.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (12 June 2012):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbasically when I met him, after about 10 minutes he asked me if I wanted to 'go somewhere else' then told me it couldn't be his place because he lives in barracks. But because I was so drunk nothing happened even though I wanted it to. I know I've left it too long, I just did not want to say it if it was going to put him off :L and about the whole marriage thing, I have actually asked him and he said no, because I expected there to be a wife :p oh and I'm not worried about exclusivity, that's getting too serious because he's a sailor and asking him not to go out on the town and find women when he spends all day, every day in the company of men would be horrible unless I wanted a relationship. and of course I'll make sure I use condoms, I'm not stupid :) thank you for all your advice tho, you're making it a lot easier for me considering I've never done this before xxx
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 June 2012):
If it has been two weeks since you met, you've been waiting too long. If he didn't make moves with you when you were dancing like kissing, assume he's not too interested or shy, or he's attached to someone else. A more aggressive guy would have taken you already, and you wouldn't even have to think how to act.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 June 2012):
 Getting into an FWB is the easiest thing in the world, especially for a girl in this society. Just tell him you're interested in no strings attached sexual friendship, and then you make sure you're protected against STD's. Make sure there are condoms at all times. Otherwise, knock yourself out.
Personally, I agree with jannie about seeing if he has a wife or girlfriend, because casual or no, who likes to aid a cheater in betraying their partners? Not me!
BTW, a FWB no-strings attached casual friendship by nature is not exclusive and carries no promise of any exclusivity. But, if you're being casual, it won't matter, as long as you stay safe.
So, in short, just ask him! You can ignore the whole dating nuances and stuff. The "hard to get" stuff and the whole "how do I say" blah goes right out the window. Just tell him you want sex, don't care about a relationship, and see what he thinks.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2012): Take the traditional relationship a woman desires. Take away monogamy and unrealistic expectations about every moment being a golden scrap book worthy event.
Take the lead in getting him to bed because for a guy pushing for casual sex is a deal breaker.
Don't pout if he leaves before you want him to.
And don't bug him all the time with texts and calls.
If he is there enjoy his company.
When he is gone savor the memory and know you will see him again soon
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A
female
reader, starstruck.x.x.x +, writes (12 June 2012):
starstruck.x.x.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I'm probably over thinking it, I just don't know what to do. I've never done this before and normally I'm a proper over-thinking, over-analysing freak haha but all I want is sex with a good looking sailor, I just don't know how to initiate it :p
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 June 2012):
Did he agree to a sexual relationship? Is he attached? It's really not that hard. There is no need to play hard to get. All you talk about is when you are available, his place or mine, that's it. Ability to talk dirty is also a plus. You also have to agree whether this is exclusive or can he also have sex with other girls. Being exclusive will minimize the risk of STDS. Are you sure you want a guy who will be out of town a lot? You ask lots of questions. You care too much already. It's supposed to be casual.
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