A
female
age
36-40,
*selu08
writes:Men and women are different. We need different things. Women need continuous validation of their partner’s feelings for them. Men do not. Or do they? Men may not need it as much as women, but they do need it. They don’t know they need it because they constantly get it. You see, women need validation, so they give it to their men. Either in order to get validation back, or because it is simply how the women wish they were being treated. Women do little things for men all of the time to let them know how much they are loved. Whether it’s cooking dinner, cleaning, or picking up a little something for them. Women do not do these things because it is “their duty as women.” They do them to show appreciation and/or to get appreciation. So men rarely ever question whether or not their partner still loves them. Not because they don’t need validation, but because they are always getting it. And because they are always getting it, they forget that they need it. So in return, they forget to give it. *I know this may be confusing but does anyone agree? And I also know that there are exceptions and this doesn’t apply to every relationship. But it does to mine, as I feel it does to many. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 No arguments here, I think you've got it totally right.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): I would tend to agree, yes. At least, you have pretty much summed up my experiences in relationships! I find that I need regular validation of my partner's feelings for me when in a relationship. I don't mean that I need to constantly be told, but if there are no warm words or actions for a few days, then I start to feel very insecure. I'm not sure if this is the same for men, but from my experiences, the guys I have known haven't seemed to need that validation from me.
It could be because of what you have pointed out. I think women do tend to do little things for their loved one, in order to show that they care. And I think it is a reflection of what we would like from them in return. Whether the guy realises this or not...again, I would have to say that I don't think so. If I start to feel insecure about how someone feels for me, I do tend to do little affectionate things for them, hoping they will somehow understand what I would like from them.
Like you, I agree that this is not the way it is for everyone. But what you have described in your question does sum up what I have experienced. So yes, I do agree with you. I guess it is about clear communication, about telling your partner what you need from them, instead of hoping they will guess, or will just start to treat you the way you would like. It's something I need to work on though, as I think many people do! Hope this helps. x
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A
male
reader, justhelp  +, writes (22 February 2010):
I agree and it applies to my relationship with my wife. This is actually the very reason why our marriage is in a mess right now. So are we happier to marry someone of the same gender? I believe it is nature for men and women to co-exist in this world, so that we constantly learn from each other's differences, fill in each other's gaps so we can live happier... or not. I really don't have the answer to that right now. I am a guy and I like hanging out with guys but there are times when the company of a woman (in this case, my wife) makes me feel whole. So my answer to your question is:
1) YES, I agree.
2) It is frustrating.
3) You are definitely NOT alone!
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