A
male
age
30-35,
*yle G
writes:So my girlfriend cheated twice, both times I felt like it was my fault... But I still couldn't believe she did it and she seems not to care. I told her things like, ''I knew you never cared about me'', ''how could you do this to me?'', ''I hate you for doing this to me'', ''I feel like killing myself to end this pain you caused me'' and ''You are worse than the babysitter that molested me''. Needless to say I'm really bitter towards her, but maybe some of those things were out of line, especially the last two...At the time I did mean those things, but I think she cared about me at some point in our relationship. I was also really mad, because she wouldn't tell the guy that she cheated on me with about what she did... She also said she cared about him more and that she stopped meaning the things she said after she first cheated. She said things to me about marrying and having kids... She even lead me on after she told me about the other guy saying she still wanted all those things. But I mean I'm still hurt, this all happened yesterday and I feel like I should never talk to her again, but I also feel bad for saying a lot of those horrible things to her. She told me she still cared about me even after all that and said she didn't know I cared about her until after the second incidence. After the first time she cheated I felt like I couldn't trust her and I did go through mood swings where I would yell at her for things I probably shouldn't have and I know now that I probably should of ended things, but I couldn't stand to see her crying, and she threatened to do hard drugs like coke and meth... I did still love her, and I thought I could trust her again. I was wrong for starting over again, and giving her a second chance, treating her badly and not ending things when I probably should have. I know that now and I feel like I'm just as guilty as she is, but my question is: Should I at the very least write an apology letter telling her that I forgive her and wish her the best, then cut all contact, or is it better just to cut all contact all together, or after apologizing should I be her friend at some point in my life?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): if in doubt, do nothing! ignore her! if someone cheats and doesn't even care about what they did, or how much hurt it caused then they could actually have some sort of personality disorder
u r young - so look after yourself - don't set yourself up for years of misery over one person who can't decide what she wants so instead goes and has her cakes and eats it! she sounds quite confused and a bit 'all over the place' - don't let yourself inherit all that messy head stuff!
concentrate on your studies, your health, your job/career, your family, your friends - do some fun stuff that YOU like .. just ignore her for now and when you feel stronger, if your paths do cross, be polite, let her see what she is missing and just carry on with your life - you have only one life! good luck to you :)
A
male
reader, Kyle G +, writes (22 February 2010):
Kyle G is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. Her current boyfriend (the guy who cheated on me with). Has been bugging one of my longtime friends and I think she put him up to it. She's also been calling me everyday since I stopped talking to her. I wish she would just go away... She hurt me worse than anyone else. I really loved this girl, but she's shown me that she doesn't even know what love is. At one point I would have even given my own life for her... I still love her, but I'm trying to focus on the hurtful things she said 'I care about him more and I stopped wanting a life with you after you had your mood swings'. I broke up with her on valentines day and all I asked of her was to tell this other guy and she wouldn't, I told him, and she just lied and cried her way out of it like she always did with me. I was unhappy with her most of the time I was with her, we had great times together, but that doesn't make up for all the lies... I feel like a fool for taking this long to realize how bad of a person she really was. I don't think she will ever have a healthy relationship with anyone unless she goes through major changes... Which will never happen. I still love her, but I don't even know if she felt anything for me. this girl makes me cry all the time... before her I rarely cryed... I don't think I ever loved anyone the way I do her, I just hope I can feel this way about someone again... I think I'll cut all contact with her and maybe apologize, I'm just afraid she'll hurt me again if I talk to her. I probably should just get her out of my life completely... but that's easier said than done. Again thanks for the advice. I hope it will help me stay strong.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): I have come out of a long relationship with someone untrustworthy. If u are with this type,u will lose ur self worth,become very miserable and end up thinking its wot u deserve. Everything she hurts u with is not ur fault. Its her choice. Do not bother arguing when ur told u dumped her because u have a woman,cant handle commitment etc. Its unlikely she will mention the real reason. Make it so u dont have to see her if u can. Dont try to reason with her as people like this are not like everyday people. Go today. Dont look back.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 Once bitten twice shy
Twice bitten never to come again.
You should forgive her in your heart for closure of this chapter in your life and move on .
To write her an apology letter is a good thing but it is unnecessary. A clean cut will heal faster.
You can still be civil to her if your path do cross.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 February 2010):
DO NOT go back out with this girl ever again and get her out of your life immediately. Do not have her as a friend, do not apologize. Just get her out of your life. This is a girl who cheated on you TWICE. She tried to blackmail you emotionally by saying she would do drugs, and she has said everything is a lie and that she loves that first guy she cheated with. You didn't do anything wrong. She's played you emotionally. No apologies. You gave her a second chance and she failed. SHE failed, not you. SHE lied, not you. SHE tried to emotionally blackmail you. Just get this awful girl out of your life.
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