A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What is it about commitment that some men fear? I'm just trying to understand, because the guy I was with had commitment issues, and wouldn't even try and talk or explain himself to me. Is it the increase in responsibility? Fear of getting attached and hurt? Can anyone help me? Thanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 November 2008):
I'd say all the reasons below PLUS.... You are 18 to 21.
What guy wants to be thinking about marriage and worse, KIDS at that age?
He hasn't got anywhere in life yet and kids really really limit what you can do.
I married quite young (23) but I don't think either of us would have gone through with it if the other wanted kids straight away.
We want to travel and achieve world domination first.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, Cowboy +, writes (8 November 2008):
I hate to say it, but men often panic if they think they'll never have sex with a different girl ever again.
My friend's ex girlfriend was pretty clever about this. She kept telling him that they'd have a threesome with another girl one day, and managed to keep his hopes up for five whole years before he finally gave up.
Try to see it from this angle. Commitment can mean that you already know the end of the story, like the future is decided and all that you have left is to act it out.
To a lot of us guys, that can be quite chilling, like the sound of a thousand doors slamming shut in your face.
Your guy will have a lot of hopes and dreams for the future, and making a firm commitment means that he will have to accept that some of those will never be realised.
Commitment can seem like the end rather than a beginning.
I was out with a lot of female friends recently, and the subject of weddings came up. Turns out that every single one of them had pretty much planned their wedding day down to the last detail, and had been making these plans since they were children.
How terrifying for a man to be the poor sap that gets sucked into one of these pre formulated plans!
I once had a conversation with a friend which changed my whole outlook on life in a few short sentences.
I had recently become single, and this friend of mine fancies herself as something of a matchmaker.
She squealed: 'Oooh! I've got the perfect girl for you!'
I rolled my eyes and told her to continue.
She said 'She's a girl I work with, she's great!
She's the same age as you, really pretty, she's a solicitor, she's got her own house, no kids, single, looking to get married.....'
The fact that a girl can be single and looking to get married scared the living sh*t out of me, and has permanently changed the way I view the world.
What was even more disturbing was the fact that my friend could not understand why I found this so shocking.
A guy doesn't want to be slotted into a predetermined life, we like choice.
If you can find a way to offer commitment, and still offer choice and autonomy, you should be on to a winner.
...............................
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