A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello agony aunts!I am 27 living in Europe. I'm asking for advice with regard to my longest crush ever. When I was 20 years old, I went into yahoo chatrooms and met D. We started chatting and just LOVED talking to him. Initially he hadnt taken me very seriously but over the years the friendly chitchat developed into feelings of mutual respect. We also had tons of fun everytime we talked. D is an amazing individual - handsome, intelligent, great sense of humor. He came from humble beginnings but now has a successful career in the US. Throughout these 7 years that I've known him I went on dates, had two serious relationships and flirted with men. I've also met other men online but none of them impacted me the way D has.1,5 years ago we had a missunderstanding and stopped communicating. A month ago I sent him an e-mail and we exchanged a few, after that he added me back on viber out of his own will. We talked about the issue of 1.5 yrs ago, and he also said this to me :" planes fly every day from all three major airports in NYC and lets not insult my ability to come there or fly you here because youre near and dear to my heart. You werent hearing me and I didnt throw away anything because something that's rightfully yours will always come back"This is the first time in 7 yrs that hes been so straighforward about meeting up.The question is how should I proceed about this? Should I tell him directly I want him to come and meet me? If so, when? And how? Which exact word would you use? Should I wait to start talking slowly again? We're both busy with work now. On the other hand, I'm scared of ruining what I have with him. He's the only guy I never got bored of. His conversation is always stimulating. I have put him on a pedestal and rightfully done so. I'm thinking we should meet cause we aren't getting any younger ( he's 32 ). I kind of approach him the way Carrie approached Mr. Big. btw, ive seen him on webcam and also talked on viber on multiple occasions.thanks!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 September 2016):
 I say go for it, you have nothing to lose. Seven years is a long time, I really do think it is time you both met and see if there is anything between you both. I would say to him he is more than welcome to visit your country anytime and that you will show him around if he ever does. Let us know how you get on, would love to hear the outcome.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2016): Let's not insult my ability to tell you his grand comment is not a good indication of anything!Its a ridiculously grand statement like someone acting a part!It doesn't ring true and it's not romantic!You are technically a something!And he is taking control of the situation by acting out that he could fly to you or he could fly you over!You are near to him. You are only 2hrs away and you are dear to him but you have no true indication as to why!Maybe because he's groomed you so long he knows you are malleable enough for anything!You are just encouraging your self to live in the clouds!A true love would come to your own area and meet your friends as well, but you are all hyped up for nothing other than everything that may or may not be true!If you don't go there and he is decent he will fix to see you in your area surrounded by your good friends but you are running like a rabbit into a field of rabbit traps and it is the least romantic way to live!
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A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (18 September 2016):
Hi. Love your story and I know two people who got married off of Yahoo the same way, so it's seems to be a new way of meeting. If you really like him, you should take a chance. You never know where it may lead. But I do agree to build the friendship and trust up again a little first.
After that, my suggestion to get him to think about coming to see you is by saying something like: "You know I wouldn't be offended or put off if you decided to take a plane to see me, NOW" Or something like that. This still lets the American guy to make the decision and to ask you out. It's culturally a good way to get his attention, but still letting him be the man.
I think it would be best if he were the one to come see you. That way you know he wants to pursue and make the commitment to at least see where this goes. If he declines, you'll know that you'll just stay friends. But you'll never know how good it could be if you don't take a chance. Since you're both busy, I'd suggest him coming for a long week-end or 4-5 days as it will give you enough time to see if there's a real two-way connection, but not too long so there's more pressure.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2016): First off thanks to everyone who commented .No , I don't think the only reason I haven't got bored with him is that we haven't met yet . I've met other guys online and never felt this way . I'm not a naive girl - you forgot the part where I've had two serious real life relationships . I go out, maintain a healthy lifestyle, flirt, everything is normal. I'm also aware of romanticizing someone only to find out he doesn't live up to the expectations. D just makes me happy. There's no other way to put it. Just talking to him puts a smile on my face. of course he would stay in a hotel and come meet me as his friend. Should I let him suggest meeting up or should I say something? I don't wanna sound desperate, we just started talking after a 1.5 years break. Tonight for example I attend a Latin party. I danced so much, had great fun, received lots of compliments from other dancers but when D texted me, that's all I needed :) people usually have that feeling for 3-4 months maximum.... Mine has been going on for 7 years now. Maybe it's worth to give my American guy a chance :)
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (17 September 2016):
 I don't think you have anything to lose really.
Worst case scenario he doesn't live up to your expectations, but then at least you tried and you can then move on with your life.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 September 2016):
 I'd suggest him coming to you, but staying in a hotel and you being clear that you'd like to meet your *friend*. Nothing sexual should happen, as you were both adults in those 7 years and should have met up at least once. This is a fantasy and nobody should be put on a pedestal, especially when you don't have experienced with them in person.You're not getting any younger, but don't rush things. Build the friendship back up, but also ask for him to visit you - again, make it clear you want to meet your *friend*.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2016): You didnt meet this man at all in the usual sense of the word.You interacted online and that is a completely different thing!Youve built him up in your mind to be something he is not and he clearly has become a habit!Whats not in it for him?You could similarly think I am communicating with you in a meaningful way, yet you have no idea at all of who i am and what im really like.Words count but actions speak louder!In seven years he has never instigated a meeting because he has things going on.Maybe he was just waiting for you to be proactively ripe for the picking!His grand words about plenty of planes dont impress me at all!He could just have easily meant "cant you imagine that young ,attractive or vulnerable girls are queuing up for me on the runway of life!If i had wanted to i could have put you in my hanger years ago, but i played a skilfull game until you were throwing yourself at me, no questions asked!"The problem is that you have over romanticised him. Real life is so different from movies!You are not Carrie and he is not Big and this is not a monumental make or break moment in your love life!Sadly females are so naive that they hype themselves up into believing all sorts of things that are nowhere near reality!I see no indication that he is anything special to you!In fact i think he is a habit, something like a fake friend holding you back from meeting someone decent on the allure of having it all, so my advice would be to avoid him and look around your own circle of friends for kindness, love and compassion.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 September 2016):
 What are you waiting for? What have you got to lose?
Worst case scenario: you find, when you eventually meet, that you are not attracted to each other so you remain friends and nothing else.
Best case scenario . . . . well, the sky's the limit really.
I do worry that the only reason you have not got bored with him so far is that you have not actually met. HOWEVER, you will only find that out by meeting.
Good luck. Would love an update at some point.
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