A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had an affair a year ago - we were both married and it was found out. It tore our families apart and we are now both seperated. I knew this person for approx 10 years and have had feelings for him for a long time. Our affair only lasted three months but I was flattered and thrilled that he said he felt the same way as I had for years. Once our affair was found out my husband made me end it by telephone in front of him using he script he'd provided. I had prewarned the other man that I would be calling him and that everything I said was not true. However, I digress, I felt truly that I loved this person and believed he loved me too. In the last year we have had extremely limited contact (mostly initiated by me) - I cannot seem to move on and have arranged to meet him tomorrow (my suggestion, his response was an immediate yes) to try and get some sort of conclusion either way. I'm lost as to what I want to say to him but am hoping I'll get a proper understanding of how he feels and if there is anything between us worth continuing. I suppose I'm wondering if there is anyone out there who has been in a similar situation and how it went. I have two scenarios in my head - one) ending in us agreeing there is still something between us and starting a relationship or two) I realise that he is a liar and was only saying the things he said to get into my pants..........
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. we met, chatted and cleared the air a little. i still felt something and we discussed the fact that things were extremely intense at the time of our affair and although we both are not one hundred percent sure of how our relationship would panned out in Normal circumstances i think we both agreed that we need to make fresh starts. away from each other. i felt a little bit broken hearted at the finality of things but have come to realise it is for the best. I'll never really know if he was just using me but am happy we got the chance to say things face to face. thank you for all your replies, all of which were valuable and helped me to feel less alone last week. thank you again. x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): since you're both no longer married, why not start a real relationship, one that is now open and HONEST. I can understand why he didn't contact you after the fall out with your spouses. If he had, people here would be blasting him for that too. when you both got caught and your marriages officially fell apart (affairs are the symptom of a marriage that's ALREADY broken) he was feeling guilty about the hurt experienced by your spouses and families, that's why he didn't contact you. if he had, that would have shown no remorse and would have been disrespectful to both your families.but if it's been a year now that you've both been separated from your spouses, so why not start a real relationship?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies. Both our ex partners told usthey'd forgive us if we cut all contact. i would say the contact - which is mostly by email has been once every couple of months. my ex works for the same firm as him albeit different offices. we have really just communicated when it has been regarding the situation. his ex wife has contacted me out of the blue etc.
To the person assuming I'm tearing my family apart please take your comments elsewhere. I am not here to be judged i an here for help regarding my future. away from my emotionally abusive husband for your information.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo we are separated.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): Why put yourself through this again? You already got closure and that closure is he never left his wife for you and never contacted you after he separated. You aren't aknowledging this so you are looking for a different message from him despite the facts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo we are separated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): Girl I feel you and I'm in almost the exact same position. But how do you feel about making contact all the time? Does he ever say why he isn't contacting you?
If I were you I'd go and ask him how he honestly feels. Tell him you need to hear it from him to give you closure and to move on.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 I vote for: "....he is a liar and was only saying the things he said to get into my pants.........."
Good luck.... and, P.S. Why repeat a mistake?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): I am wondering why, once you were both separated, that you didn't continue the relationship. Why the distance and why have you kept him at arms length. He may be curious at how things have turned out too. If you are both free then suggest gently getting back on track. Don't feel you have to rush headlong into something, take it easy. Trust him till you have reason not to.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Are you still with your husband?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): You need to ask yourself whether tearing your family apart and destroying innocent lives were worth it. I assume u have kids. Enough said!Instead of trying to rekindle your affair why not work at righting the wrongs you did? That is more important than making arrangements to meet your ex lover, hoping he will utter the words u so desperately want to hear.
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