A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am 43 yrs old married happily with kids, recently due to face book i met my very old flame and we spoke a few time and decided to catch up in another country where i was traveling for work.We met up there and spent three beautiful days together, just friends no intimacy, no sex etc, we just saw the country and spoke. She is single and about 44 years oldNo i am not looking to have an affair but its just that i like her and it feels good to be around her.last time we met it was for a week and was visiting my country and now we have bet after 21 years and i like here.Sometimes i miss her, some time i just feel like calling her, just wish her to be around.I want her to be married and have kids and a regular life, no she has not shared her true feelings to me, maybe she does not even like me. She knows i am married.Any inputs, any assistance, any reason i feel like this, how should i proceed need serious help and i thought i had all the answers, would like both a males and females perspective on this one.Cheers
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 There's a reason why it's called unrequited love...its unresolved and there is always a feeling of "what if..."
But OP, now that you are married, you know that you cannot take this further, right? Sure you feel good being around her and you like her, but what's the point really, if you know that you cannot pursue this? And tell me, would you like it if this same post was written by your wife for an old flame of her's? How would you feel?
You cannot "want" for the lady to be married and have kids, because that is a personal decision. I'm sure she has her own reasons for choosing to remain single, *maybe* she too liked someone and it was an unrequited love and she couldn't see herself being with anyone else. Who knows?
I would say don't call her or don't try to get familiar with her, because lets face it, its dangerous territory. Now that you are married and have children, you have certain responsibilities to fulfill and roles to play. A man and a woman can only sometimes be "just friends", but sadly it is not so in your case. You need to get a hold on your feelings.
Dont romanticize the bond so much. Get real. You are married. You owe your loyalty to your wife and your feelings for the other woman are wrong and going against your relationship with your wife. Surprisingly the aunts who have answered your question have mentioned your wife more times than you have.
Something to think about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBernard / Trinklett thank you for your reply and i can see what you are saying, i feel a strong bond for this women (or just trying to prove my point) you know the strange thing is that we have only met twice 21 years apart and only for a few days and to have a strong emotion is confusing (from my side) i meet a lot of people and years apart and have met many f my ex-girlfriends but zilch - nothing.
may be i should cool it and work harder and give it time to better understand this and deal with it of just let it be and meet her after the next 21 years....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionKaicob, thanks for the reply and understand what you are saying, yes my wife is aware that we have met and no i am not interested in a relationship what so ever, we have a strange relationshp, we met in 1991 for 7 days and just liked each other and we met again for 3-4 days and it was nice, may be its a itch and i am certain that i will not scratch, i have invested in my family and very happy with them, i dont know when i shall see her again but i feel that i just cant let go. Maybe i need time and it will resolve itself, the good thing is that she is a million miles away, its not that we have to speak with each other every day or face book, we have a good conversation once a month.
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 If you've met twice in another country and there were no sparks, then.... You have me guessing. You haven't said what ur feelings are. There's gotta be a reason why you're agreeing to meet - I'm sure you're not lining up all your high school friends to meet with up again. Since she's an old flame, its possible she's waiting for you to say something since you're married. Don't say you're not looking to have an affair because if she feels the same way as you something's bound to happen. If you are truly happy with your marriage I'll say leave her in the past. This path you're taking is a one street way. You know what they say a man and a woman can't be just friends.
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