A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am writing because I am desperate. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months. He's 29 and I am 31. I love him very much but we're having issues in the bedroom department. The first time we had sex failed because he couldn't get it hard. I wasn't worried because it happened to me before with other men (on the 1st times) and I know first times can be quite stressful for the guy. We were able to have sex on later dates (we see each other on weekends only because we live an hour away from each other) but it was never really "easy", like I'd have to jump on him as soon as he's hard otherwise he would lose the erection. Sometimes, during a whole weekend, we would try to have sex once and it would fail and therefore wouldn't have sex at all until the next try the following weekend. The past couple weekends, we tried 3 times and each time failed. He would get semi hard and by the time we get naked and on the bed, it would be gone. He also told that because he doesn't make me cum orally very easily (only happened twice), he's having a mental block. It happened again today. He was getting hard from kissing, we went to the bedroom, he went down on me, I wasn't able to cum and by the time he stopped he couldnt get it hard again. I was so sad that I cried in the bathroom afterwards (i was hiding it from him of course). I don't know what to do, it feels like it's a vicious circle. Next weekend we'll get another try but there will be so much pressure too. I don't want a sexless relationship. I am not sure how much he wants sex actually, he says he is attracted to me and wants to have sex with me but it just doesn't work. He also told me that his sexual peak was in his early 20s and that he only jerks off twice a month, which I believe isn't a lot for a 29 year old. I've never ever had such problems with any of my previous partners and its driving me crazy. I try to pretend that it's ok, he's got a lot of stressful things in his life and I understand it but I can't go weeks without sex when I have a bf. I am really at a loss and I don't know if it simply means we should end it? I just want to cry.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (5 December 2011):
You have both got a lot of stress built up that is working against you. Here are a few things to consider: firstly, his general sexual interest. I think most guys would masterbate every ten minutes if they could, and usually every day or two is pretty normal, so if it is really true twice a month is low. What is his sexual history, other girlfriends, etc might be hard to get the truth though as he wont want to tell you if it was great with them.Next, just slow down, agree next weekend is no sex, just relaxing, and touching, and kissing. Maybe you need to focus on foreplay? I think this is sometimes even more fun than sex.Next, how is his health and physical well being? Too much drinking and bad food takes its toll on a good erection, I know. Getting fit together can be a good turn on.Finally, if all else fails and you are really in love then he needs a doctor, this is a something doctors deal with.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 December 2011):
 It's a fact... if a guy spends too much time stressing over his sexual perfomance he is likely to have trouble getting and maintaining an erection.....
You (and he) will find things much easier (and successful!) if/when you stop doing so much thinking about the matter....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): Crying won't fix his erection.
I see nothing in your posts about giving HIM oral. Are you doing this?
Second, I would recommend trying to "emotionally" arouse him. Use dirty talk, tell him how much you want him. Be more sexy. Are you nervous going into sex? Do YOU worry about him getting the erection? If you do, that energy may feed into him.
I've actually had this problem myself in the past. Nerves or something. Especially around putting the condom on (get on BC it may help the situation). But I had girlfriend who was a total nymph and we would have sex at least twice every time we met, sometimes up to five times in a day. So, my point is that is all mental. It can be fixed. But just hoping for the next time to "work" and crying when it doesn't won't fix anything.
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