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female
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anonymous
writes: hi,when me and my partner first got together we swore to eachother there wasn't to be any lies in our relationship, as both of us have never been faithful in our previous relationships, which neither of us are proud of. Anyway, over christmas this year he betrayed my trust by lieing to me about texting dirty messages to other women. The texting i am not bothered about its the lies he told me when i found out, especially when after a huge row 3 months later he told me the truth. Anyway, about 3 weeks ago, his parents came to stay, and he was texting alot, which i thought was unusual, when i asked who was texting he said *carl* (not real name), and it was about a car. I knew there was something up as he had a dirty smerk on his face. i asked him 2 days later if he had heard from *carl* and he said he hadn't heard from him in about 1 month. That was lie num 1. me being a woman with hormaones rampaging (im pregnant btw) i checked his phone, he had been texting this woman called *jane*, there was only 1 message which he had left on from her saying, 'well you'll probably fall asleep after a massage'... i couldnt believe it. anyway i asked him a few days later who *jane* was and he said he didnt know any1 called *jane*.... Lie num 2. I let it go for a few days and finally after him being on his phone 24/7 i just broke down. he came out that this *jane* was a counceller at work and was helping him to deal with the baby coming, my moods, money matters etc... i was more upset that he didnt tell me the truth about this woman. Anyway lastnight i checked his phone.... i know i shouldnt of but i couldnt help myself, and there was a message from her unopened saying ' do you not get 5min alone?', i checked his sent items and this red ' sorry havent text, been busy, cant text when she's around as she goes mad when i text anyone female, not online much ut i'll email u 2moro.X' i didnt know what to think, or what to say. anyway, we were arguing until 4 in the morning about it. the question i want to ask you people, after reading the background storey, is how do i go about getting over my trust issues with him? he hasnt cheated on me, he did emotionally at christmas, and thats the problem, i cant seem to trust him since then... its been 7 months now and i cant move on from that. this is the first time anyone has ever hurt me like that and i never ever expected it from him. i dont know what to do, we have a baby on the way in the next few days and i have no on to turn to about my relationship problems.... please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (7 July 2006):
 Your pregnancy hormones will mean you are probably more sensitive and that can lead to paranoia but... your instincts have so far been right. Whether you say it's the lies or not, dirty text messages are out of line. What I will say is this, although he sounds like he's up to no good, the one thing that he said that leads me to think he may not have cheated is this: "can't text when she's around as she goes mad when i text anyone female". that doesn't sound like it's a text to a lover. BUT he's still lying and unless he starts to tell the truth, I'm afraid it may be time to decide if you have a future.
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