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male
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anonymous
writes: As a 40 year old guy, I should be able to figure out the answer myself, but I can't, so I'm hoping someone will have a (polite) suggestion or two as to what to do. There's a girl I've known for some time, who recently I've seen rather a lot more of. She turns up on my doorstep for a cup of tea, and from time to time, we go for a beer, with me dropping her off afterwards with no more offered (or attempted on my part) than a platonic kiss goodnight. We get on really well, and I think a lot of her. that said, she has an infuriating habit of disappearing, not answering the phone, and then turning up with an apology a few days later. For my part, I don't bug her, don't call everyday, etc - we all need our space. What I can't figure out is how, or whether, to ask if she wants more than a platonic friendship. The emotional part of me says yes, and she wants to too, while the logical part says don't be so stupid. But now for the bit I haven't mentioned so far: I'm 39, two failed long term relationships, 3 kids, short, fat and balding, and she's 22, slim, witty, intelligent and gorgeous. I can't quite figure out what she see's in me to come round at all, and can't quite get my head around the idea that she'd be interested.So come on guys and gals, am I off my chump, or is there some magical way to tell that I haven't figured out yet? And please be gentle!!! :) Reply to this Question
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reader, juttandmeff  +, writes (25 February 2006):
Hi smeedle,Thanks for your advice - I wasn't registered when I posted the question. I don't think there's anything sinister or underhand about where she goes: she has her own life and friends. I guess your answer was what I knew all along: just typing it in helped me realise that I'd known the answer all along: softly softly catchee monkey! Its just hard feeling like you're 17 when you're almost 40! :)
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (23 February 2006):
 Were does she go when she disapears for awhile and why does she apologise to you ?
What makes you think she wants a relationship other than the very good friendship that the two of you have, why spoil this, if it is meant to be more then fate will play a hand and it will happen.
My guess is that you are someone she really trusts, you treat her with respect and dont ask a lot of her, I wish I had a friend like you,!!
About your comments on your looks, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, we all see different things in different people so dont pre judge yourself, personality is a far better quality to have and you seem to have a fantastic one. So just carry on as you are and see what the future holds.
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