A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my dad's friend have been texting for a while and we've talked about taking things to another level... Im not sure what to do about it, i mean i'm 21 an he's about 30, I have always like older guys and we are into each other but you know he's my dad's friend and I forgot to mention he has a kid. On the other hand, he treats me very respectfully, we have a lot of things in common and we talk everyday.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (19 June 2018):
 To the anon.
The age difference has no relevance here for me. It’s two perfectly legal age consenting adults. It’s the fact that a man is having one of his friends trying to charm his daughter. If there’s no issue with it then why is the OP keeping it secret up to yet? Why have they not been open about it from day 1?
The majority of fathers are very protective. They don’t like it when their daughter dates someone their own age, never mind one of their own friends. Maybe you’re right and OPs father won’t mind, but it would be extremely naive to just expect the father to be fine with it because I think many would feel extremely betrayed by their friend when they find out they are trying to sleep with their daughter. The friend knows this isn’t right or else he would have absolutely no problem telling the father what’s going on.
Im pretty sure this would be a friendship breaker and cause a lot of earache for the OP if this came out into the open. This is crossing lots of boundaries here.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2018): I honestly feel like people didn't look at your age. For goodness sake, you are 21 years old and an adult. Two ADULTS talking/texting is not grooming. The age difference is less than 10 years. Sure, it is a little awkward he happens to be your dad's friend, but I assume he is quite a bit younger than your dad (obviously, unless your dad had you when he is 9 years old). I think if you both told your dad you wanted to go on a date, I don't see why on earth your dad would have a problem with it. Personally, I know my dad would not, if he had a much younger friend close to my age. I don't really see the big deal here at all, and I think the aunts and uncles need a reality check if 9 years is the biggest age difference they've heard of (honestly that is nothing).
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (15 June 2018):
 This is a seriously "bad" idea!!
You are a bit too young for this man and besides, he is your Dad's friend!
I am almost certain, that this entire charade will turn very ugly, if you and your Dad's friend get together.
You should, above all else, maintain respect for your Dad and ignore this man's advances.
You should not be open, to any ongoing discussion with your Dad's friend, as he sounds like a disrespectful man.
Why?
Because he doesn't have any respect for your Dad or for you.
You are both entering really dangerous territory, by wanting to take things to the next level.
Whatever it is that you both want to do together, please know that it will not work out positively whatsoever and certainly not for the long term.
It's going to get too complicated and messy.
Just keep things simple and back off, as far as you can, from this guy and any advances he makes.
You can't control HIS actions, but you have full control of YOUR OWN actions.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 June 2018):
 You know what this is?
It's called GROOMING. The fact that it's done behind your dad's back pretty much shows that his "friend" knows this isn't OK.
If this was about LOVE, he wouldn't disrespect you AND your father this way.
And the fact that YOU haven't told your dad that you like this man and want to pursue a relationship kind of show that you are a pretty immature young woman. Sure you are an "adult" but you aren't behaving like one.
Why the need to sneak around? If this is "love"?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 June 2018):
 Does “taking things to another level” mean you are going to go out on double dates with him and your parents?
Or does it mean you two go have sex without telling anyone you are actually kind of a couple?
Healthy things survive the light of day. If you can tell everyone who loves and cares about you that you are about to start a relationship with this man and it’s all good, fine. If you haven’t told anyone and can’t because it’ll be devastating to your mom and dad?
Well, you get the picture. I hope.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (15 June 2018):
 Bad idea all the way around but if you are going to do it, why don't the two of you go to your dad TOGETHER and talk about it. I honestly don't see this whole scenario ending very well. Its not cool on so many levels!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 June 2018):
 If you respect your dad, you'll stop texting his friend in any way you wouldn't want your dad to see.
If he respects your dad, he wouldn't consider you available.
Seriously, where do you see this going? The chances of it ending well are very slim. The chances of it ending horribly and/or making things awkward for your dad. It's really not worth it.
Please, OP, stop this before it goes any further. No flirting, no time alone together, no hugs - nada. You'll do irreparable damage to your relationship with your dad, if you do.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 June 2018):
 By another level do you meal getting physical or actually going on a date? I think if you are going to take anything further you both need to be honest with your Dad. If you are not able to do that then I don't think you should cross this line. Not only could you ruin a friendship but you could also ruin the relationship between you and your father.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2018): Worst idea ever! Theeeee worst!!!
You are planting yourself smack-dab in the middle of your father's friendship. He has to be protective of his daughter and still try to manage some civility towards some guy his age, he thought to be a friend. Flirting and having eyes for his daughter.
Then you will become rebellious, disrespectful, and insist on having things your way. Causing commotion and disruption.
Forcing a totally unnecessary wedge between friends!
I've seen this situation many times before. More often daughters than sons. I said it is the worst idea; because it is! It's way too close to home! Like your dad divorcing your mother; and deciding to date one of your younger friends!
Keep your childish-crush to yourself. Friendships are hard to come-by and maintain these days. All you need is a daughter with her raging-hormones, to plant herself in the middle of your friendship. Having to carry the mental-image of your much-older male-friend having sex with your child! Forcing you to assume the position of protective-father, and going into defense-mode. Knowing details about the character of your friend, she may know nothing about.
The crushes of young daughters can causes so much disruption and estrangement; because it's seemingly always for the guy their parents least want her affections to be directed to. The more they express their disapproval, the more she wants to be with him. So here we go!
A man of sound-character and decency would discourage his best friend's young daughter from acting outwardly on her romantic-crush.
No matter how flattered by the attention; it is far too convenient for an opportunist. He doesn't necessarily have to have any romantic-interest in you at all; only enticed by your youth, your body, and motivated purely by sexual-attraction. Disgusting in a father's eyes; and rightfully so! Sniffing around his kid like a dog, panting and drooling!
If he isn't discouraging you; it is unfortunate that your father will have to put the brakes on it; and intervene on this potential hot mess.
It all could result in the loss of a great friend; and estrangement from a daughter, who will turn against her father for standing in her way.
You should first learn how to deal with guys more your own age; before pursuing far more experienced men with children, and closely connected to your parents as friends. It stinks to high heaven, and it is potentially volatile. Not to mention the dissension and hostility it would cause; if you get your heart broken.
Nope, I smell nothing but trouble!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (14 June 2018):
Terrible idea.
What will your dad say? I’d hazard a guess he would want to let his fists do the talking. Where is this guys respect for your father? Someone he calls a friend. Where is your respect for your dad?
This has trainwreck written all over it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2018): This sounds like a bad idea. Your dad is going to get angry and some older men just try to see if they can bed a younger woman. Also, even if things are good, dating a father is not easy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2018): Well if he respects you as you say he does, why not go to your dad together and get him to ask permission to 'Date you' because it comes across that what you are saying is you are just going to have sex with him
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