A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 3 months, I am 14 years old and sexually active. At this age I wish I wasn't. We had sexual intercorse when we started dating for 2 months. On the second day that him and me started dating, i kissed another man while i was too drunk to even move and he didnt figure out about it until a month later after my bestfriend had told him. We broke up, then got back together. I had made a fake account on Facebook to talk to him and see if he would go along with it. Well sadly he did, he started talking to the girl saying, my girl had cheated on me so why can't I do the same about 2 and a half months into the relationship. I caught him up about it, and then we got over it. But then I realized once he gave me his facebook password that he was telling his ex girlfriend's that he wants to hang out with them, how sexy they are and how badly he wants to be with them. I have never once cheated on a man in my life, and it was the biggest mistake of my life when I did it and he knows that. But now, I don't know what to do. We're fighting all the time, we're always yelling at eachother. My first one true love, and yes i'm very young I know but I've known this guy for 5 years. Him and me are still friends after a year and a half of not being together, I would hangout with him, and talk to him all the time, he was the one person I could go to for advice and talk to when ever I needed to. His new girlfriend is one of my bestfriends. But my boyfriend doesn't trust me with him, and thinks that i am having sexual intercorse with him. He thinks that i'm cheating on him, and won't trust me with anything anymore. He always brings up his name, and always says go hang out with him and things like that. I have assumsions that he has cheated on me, and everyone has been telling me he is. What should I do in this type of situation? Also, i'm very mature for my age because I had to grow up really fast. Please no negative comments, I just need to know how to stop the fighting and have him trust me.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 April 2013):
 Look, don't take it as a negative comment, just as an objective impartial observation of how things look from the outside to an average neutral observer.
You may have had to grow up pretty fast, but in the sense that you have adopted adult behaviours before it's time, so you don't know how to handle them and you find yourself in trouble.
For instance , you said you cheated because you were totally pissed drunk. well, an adult knows this is the lamest excuse ever, drinking lowers your inhibitions and lets you do what you already want to do but are to selfconscious for doing when sober , that's all. It's not that drinking, or even getting mightyly drunk, changes your personality from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde, generally it's not like the average person gets drunk then goes out robbing banks or killing people , right ? So " the alcohol made me do it " is like " the devil made me do it ", a stupid excuse , not a compelling reason. If you really are so incapable of controlling your trangressive instincts when you drink- then , easy, do not drink and do not get drunk . Sort of obvious, for anybody as mature as you say you are.
But, what is done is done, OK. You broke his trust- and he broke yours too, with all the flirting etc. It may be just out of revenge ( I strongly doubt it ), but anyway, what can you do now, other than fighting as you are ? With no mutual trust, no relationship is possible. When there's a breach of trust, it's not easy, mending things is not always possible, and anyway it requires time, patience , committment, and the firm WILL of both parties to get over the past mistakes in order to build a better common future.
How do you think you can have that, at 14 ? After 3 months of " relationship " ? A relationship probably based on skin attraction and instant gratification, since it got to be intimate even before you had time to check if you two are compatible, can get along, can handle conflicts, etc... ?
My point is, rebuilding trust is hard work, and it is possible when the two people care about being there for the long haul, but , at 14 ? He'll fight with you out of pride and stubborness until he gets tired of fighting, and/ or someone new catches his fancy, at that point, NEXT, so much for rebulding trust, there's just not enough motivation.
For both of you this is just a starting point in your dating life, not the finish line. And since it's born conflictual and flawed since the beginning, why hanging in there nails and teeth and keep fighting ?
Perhaps it would be wiser letting go, and learning from this how to build your next relationship in a less dazed and confused way, on better, more solid foundations.
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