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female
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*quirrel
writes: I have a problem in my relationship and it's regarding our sex life. My boyfriend has not been interested in being intimate with me for 5 months now. We fight about it and he can't tell me why. All he ever says is he is under too much stress. There is no erection problems, not another woman and nothing wrong with me physically. We use to have a very healthy sex life, then it stopped. What can I do?
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female
reader, MissMo +, writes (24 March 2006):
when men are stressed or preoccupied with other things, their desire for sex goes down. why not make a sex date? that way, you become one of the things on his busy To Do list. Mention it casually, good-naturedly. Pencil yourself in on his calendar. If you ask for sex in a low-pressure way, where you're not putting him down or making him feel inadequate, he'll be more likely to respond favorably. Try it out and see what happens.
Be careful, though... you might be harboring a lot of resentment, and that could be killing your sex drive, too. Try to let it go... if you don't things won't ever get better.
A
female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (24 March 2006):
 The more pressure you put on him, the more he is likely to pull away further. His ego may be bruised by the way you have brought it to his attention. I think you should leave it alone for a while (as far as talking goes) and give him a little space. Try to help alleviate his stress with massage and TLC. If things don't get better in time, then I think you need to address the issue again and try not to argue. Just calmly tell him that you would love to get intimate again and is there anything that you or he can do to reduce the stress in his life so that he will feel up to it again? If he refuses to try to solve the problem, then it becomes a serious issue - you have needs, too, and being physical with the one you love is a definite need. You could then try couples counseling or something of that nature to see what can be done. Good luck!
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