A
male
age
30-35,
*teel stake
writes:Ok, so I have some anger problems and when I get mad I black out and say things I regret alot. Well me and my dad are close, but when me and him get in fights which is often we get into it. Well me and my dad got into a fight about my grades last week and he ended up taking all my stuff and my car and as you can figure I was very displeased. Well me and him started arguing and I decided to go into my room and blow off steam which ended up me hitting my fist against the wall 20x. And he called me back and we started arguing again and thats when I just lost it. I said some things to him that I know im going to regret for the rest of my life, for example, "I hope you die", and some other stuff. Well after a couple of days I thought everything was better. But now it seems like he mentions it every day since then that I said it and tells me things like "You have to own what you say" and "You must've be proud to say that". And it kills me inside and most of the time I go to my room and hit the door or cry. I just want to know-Am I a bad person for saying this? and do I deserve 0 forgivness from him and deserve to hear this and if not how do I fix it. All I think about is taking my life that way he can think about it and what he did to me. I just want to make things right between me and him but it seems like he won't let it go. PLEASE RESPOND. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (25 September 2010):
Truth of the matter is, your father is right on the money. Our actions have consequences, and it's high time you learned this lesson. You want to make it right - begin with a heartfealt apology. Something that goes like 'Dad, I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I said some pretty nasty things when I was mad. Things I never should have said. It was inexcusable, and I won't try and make it sound less so. I wanted you to know that I regret losing control, and that in time, when I've shown you that I am fixing my self control, you'll be able to forgive the foolish and hurtful words of an angry boy.'
Next, you need to mean exactly what I just said. Mean it with all your being. BE truly ashamed of your lack of self control - and fix it. You, and you alone are responsible for your actions and words. You and you alone are responsible for your grades for that matter. Fix them.
The fact that you would get that out of order when your father was in the right to begin with is evidence that you have no concept of the natural consequences of your own behavior. When a student's grades fall behind when the student is absoloutely capable of better the first soloution is to remove the privilidged distractions that may be interfering. You are a high school student and a minor - driving, having a car, and other privilidges are exactly that - privilidges. One does not have a RIGHT to these things at your age, one earns them.
You want to be treated as an adult? have the respect that comes with not having an authority figure act as if they can run your life, and take away your car? then show yourself to be a MAN. A man doesn't blow up and throw a 17 year old version of a 3 year old's tantrum, a MAN owns up to his actions, accepts responsibility for his behaviors, shoulders the burden of the consequences of his choices, controls his interactions and emotions, and realizes that he and he alone can make the choices that are his to make. A real man owns up to his mistakes, and makes them right. When you can prove through actions over time that this is how you approach the world, you will not only have your father's forgiveness for this one incident, but you will have his respect - because you've earned it by behaving respectably!
A
female
reader, meeeeh +, writes (25 September 2010):
i under stand. my sister hasnt talk to my dad in 2 years. it is very hard. please sit down when you are both calm and tell him that it makes you feel bad when he points it out you said that. tell him you feel terrible and didnt mean what you said. tell him about your anger problums, it will help alot. if he is a good father than he wont hold this aganst you, so long as you show him you feel awful. good luck!!! and im sorry about what happend, plus next time it might help to punch a pillow or go for a walk, it always helps me!
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