A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, this is going to be a long post but I am dying to talk about this. This past April I met a guy online and we just cammed with each other. We continued to do it every once in a while and I thought he was handsome and nice but nothing else. But then we got to talk a little more on the Skype chat and learned about each other and it felt different than just camming with a random guy where both stays really shallow and anonymous just to get off (kind of disgusting and sad really). He is from Copenhagen, which I love because it is my favorite city and I am from Germany so I never thought we could meet in the first place even if he says he loves Germany. I have never been with a guy so I was hesitant too, I should not forget to mention that.Anyway this fall after regular talks in June/July and August I moved to Sweden and said "hey I think I am ready to meet you" and he said yes, I think so too. A week later or so I asked how he is doing and if he has been getting lucky lately and he replied that he has and that he is seeing someone. After a week already he said he is very very fond of that guy. That crushed me. I don't know why but it really hurt and felt like I lost out on love (again) so I went a little crazy and explained how I felt and I must have come off really strong because he later said he thought I fell in love with him which I didn't (I hope). Anyway we then exchanged numbers and chatted on whatsapp which I would normally never do, we are also linked on Facebook and other social media maybe that was a way of making him remember me, like me more and not to forget me. It is so not me to add someone I cammed dirty with to anything or let them be part of my life. I am not sure if I like him as a person, I like him but I don't quite understand his personality but I know I like everything else about him. Appearance, job, life situation, family etc..I opened up, I even spoke about my weird family situation, what I am doing, but on top of all that I talked about feelings and how I have never been with a guy and I think he thinks of me as really sweet and nice and he is attracted to me. Still I feel very silly to have opened up so much because it really meant something to me and he is sometimes really unemotional when writing, often just answers with aww, haha, short replies and emoticons (mostly laughing smileys because I am a hoot). I told him I feel stupid opening up to someone who is now in love with someone else and he said he shared things as well but I think he shares these things with many guys. So I don't feel special which probably bugs me the most. All he does is to call me cute and sweet all the time. I don't think he takes me seriously and maybe I have always just been one of his random cam pals and he is just being nice talking to me. He basically never texts me first and since I stopped there is no conversation at all. I didn't even get a merry christmas or a happy new year or anything.Regarding the text messages, he kept sending me selfies, sometimes with a bare chest and I just don't know why. He was very flirty sometimes naughty and I don't think I would like that if he were my boyfriend talking to other guys (but that is another story) but I just don't know if he sends me those because he likes me, because he likes getting compliments and thinks I am one of his fans or because he is an asshole who likes to play the field.Anyway back to his dating situation: The two have now been dating for 4 months I think and met each others family, went on vacation together, talked about the possibility to move in together and the guy I like says he really hopes that the other guy proposes to him at some point. Because I think he is very much into marriage. What turns me off here is that he insists that he proposes because he owns him and yes he used the words "own". I said even in love I would never want to own someone or be owned by someone because the idea sounds horrible to me and he said that he isn't sure if that is such a bad thing. He has completely fallen for him and the guy could not be more different to me I think. I don't know him but he seems very very ordinary, not that handsome (nice body though). Still since I don't live so far away from Copenhagen in October/November I asked if I could crash at his place while I visit the city and I said I would bring a sleeping bag (which I did) but he said I didn't have to and that I could sleep in his bed. Of course I wanted to do that but I didn't want him to feel obligated to share a bed with me. Anyway he changed his mind all the time 2 weeks before I arrived in Copenhagen. One time he said we could sleep naked next to each other, the other time he said he is going to give me his keys and stays at his boyfriends, next time he said he is going to whisper Danish into my ear but that nothing sexual can happen between us. I didn't want that either. All I wanted was a.) company and b.) find out what the fuzz is about because I didn't understand how I could have feelings for someone I never met. I stayed there 2 nights and he didn't have much time for me only from 9 to 11 and then left for his boyfriend's. I slept alone in an empty apartment and felt like the biggest fool. He kept making the remark that he hopes I am sleeping naked in his bed, which I casually reacted to with humor but slept in my underwear. Anyway he wanted to hug and cuddle and he stroke my hair and that felt so so so so very nice and he said he wanted to do it and that it was not out of pity which I insecure as I am with him suspected. The second night he went to the gym (later he said he wished he could have dined with me and spend more time. f u? like you had to go to the gym. you basically avoided me) and when he then came home we again sat in his bed and this time I cheekily did take my underpants off when he said it but under the duvet. He said that it turns him on to know that I am naked under his duvet and then he sat beside me and took it off, looked at me and touched me and I touched him. that was so very strange and also very inappropriate but I enjoyed it and I am not the one in a relationship. Lets call it petting what we did. He then said he should go, we had some intense hugs good bye and he kissed me on my shoulder (who does that to someone they don't care for?) He also texted me a lot while I was in Copenhagen, maybe because he felt responsible. Out of sight out of mind? Is that the problem? That I live so far away and the other guy lives in the same city? It's not just that I know. The day after the petting he apologised for teasing but said that I now got a preview and that I just can't die before coming back and actually have sex with him. He said he really wanted to have sex with me and still imagines what it would be like sometimes and that this was bad because of his guy. I don't know what to think about comments like that one day and then forgetting about me..I was kind of hoping to have a shot in the future. Is it wrong and too desperate and self-destructive to hold on to this even if he sounds so serious with the other guy? I know he would like to date me if he weren't already involved, he even said so. I am pretty and I am lovable after all! But would I actually still feel good about myself if we were to date after so desperately waiting and feeding his ego and his weird idea of hierarchy (in which of course he would own me because he is physically superior) and would I maybe alway think of how he was under the other guy's spell and wanted to marry him? How much of an ass am I to go see him even if I know he is taken?You can see I am in huge trouble and I would just love to have someone to talk to about this. There is another guy who I kind of opened up to about this but I think he is into me and I am not being fair If I bother him with that…Sorry for the poor grammar and even worse structure, not a native speaker here!Happy New YearS
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2015): I just want to clarify one thing because you sound a little judgmental: I did/do not look for love online. The feelings just started to grow due to the conversations when not camming (of course his handsomeness plays a part). Also since most men are sleazy to some extent and I consider myself decent and very faithful and yet occasionally go to those kind of webpages when I am single, I don't think the problem lies there.
On a side note: I did delete my Skype account because I also felt a little depressed with the camping thing in general. I was over it the day I started to realise I have feelings for someone, why can't he be as virtuous as I am? I am kidding of course I am no angel.
The problem is as you mentioned him being a tease who is hot for me and then cold and not fair to his boyfriend. Actually I don't care for his boyfriend it just bothers me that he does things and then says it is wrong. Yes it is and I would not appreciate that kind of behavior.
I told him that he should stop teasing me and not send me these kind of pictures because I know he doesn't take them for me. But I miss talking to him even if it was a little one-sided. I told him that I don't think he likes me and then he says he does but then he says things like: "I am sorry I can't like you more than I do. That would be wrong and a lie to you and (boyfriend's name." or "Sorry I am not able to be more for you."
I wish I could be inside his head really. Does he like me? Does he not want to admit to liking me? Is he just not that into me?
I know cutting all ties is probably what I should do and what he probably wouldn't even mind so much if I did but for now it's just some friendly humorous chatting every month or so. The feelings are a lot weaker and I don't have to think about him but somehow I spend time imagining all kind of scenarios how I meet him in two years and we are both single. How pathetic am I? I know I am and I must sound like a big fool who has watched too many bad movies.
Love sucks!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 January 2015):
 Eh let him go, he is a SUPER tease and borderline cheater. Now I get that he might be hot and all, but if you are looking for LOVE, HE isn't it.
If YOU were with a guy, would you like that he talked (the fictitious BF) to another guy like this guy is talking to you? I bet you wouldn't.
Let him go, remove him form your life, block, delete and so forth. If you want a SERIOUS relationship don't go looking for it on some (sorry) sleazy web-cam-masturbation-instant gratification website.
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