A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I split up with my partner of 4 years over 7 years ago. I was 39 then and I shall be 46 soon. It was an unhealthy relationship. I had a brief relationship (6 months) about 7 months later, but nothing since then. I have been doing internet dating during the last 7 years but am getting nowhere with it - I don't get many responses, but when I do, I go on dates. They are either usually unsuitable, or I don't take to them, or occasionally I like them but then I don't hear from them again. Often I feel a sense of relief. I have lots of friends and interestes and go out, but the people I meet are nearly always already in relationships or are not suitable. I am complelely used to being on my own now and when I spend more than a couple of hours in someone else's company they start to annoy me and I long for being back on my own. I am starting to accept that I've missed the boat and have adapted so much to life alone that there is no longer any real chance of finding a partner. It's a shame, as I miss company on weekends and someone to go on holiday with, but I potter through life okay by myself. I have a dog who keeps me company and cuddles me. I never fancy anyone and I pretty much shudder at the thought of getting close to anyone, even if I were to meet someone I liked - ultimately I feel it will just bring pain and forthcoming loss. Should I just stop internet dating and give up completely and accept my single maid status?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 January 2013):
 I am 32 and I am giving up for a year and I will see how I feel next year, or until my 7 year old son feels less attachment to me and become more independent. Now I am enjoying my son more.
I do see people on dating sites suggesting going on a vacation for the first date. They are serious about the intentions. There are not enough trusting and open minded people to venture into something like that, going on a vacation with a stranger. I believe it is too time consuming in the courting stage and then to find out years later you are not compatible with him or his children. So I can understand why people are willing to take risks. The relationship models out there are changing from time to time. It's either you are stuck in boring marriage or you are in a cold, emotionless FWB situation. It's like if you want something sustaining you have to endure the claustrophobic day to day coupledom, or else you will be left behind and no one cares about you. I do find that men who want marriage are needy and expect you to be a caretaker financially or emotionally. Men who are happy with the way things they are do not see marriage as bringing more benefits and happiness in their lives.
I don't have the answers, just sharing my thoughts. I am not saying I won't open up with someone worthy, but I am not chasing after love. If fate determines that I would get marry again then that man would come into my life.
A
female
reader, elise22  +, writes (6 January 2013):
 I guess there's just one answer: do you really want to?
Because if you don't it may take time, but eventually you will find someone who is right for you. Maybe go on a singles trip or something? You'd have people to go on holiday with, and maybe you'd even meet someone.
Only if you give up, you won't find someone. Or you could just focus on yourself, stop internet dating, and maybe the right guy will come along when you stop looking.
So the question is really: do you want to keep internet dating? If you feel like it's not right for you, maybe you should give it a rest, but there's no reason to 'accept your single maid status' unless you're absolutely sure you'll be perfectly happy.
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