A
female
age
41-50,
*arisa01
writes:Married with a baby missing my ex husband I got divorce in December 2010 and by March 2011 I was pregnant from another guy, everything was so fast that I could not believe it, I moved to the States because the father of my baby is American so I decide to have my baby in the States, during my pregnancy I did not think at all about my ex husband or ex places, my friends and co-workers that I left in Canada when I decided to move to the States, but as soon as I had my baby, my ex-husband thoughts come to my mind, he was emailing me during my pregnancy he did not that I was pregnant but I did not answer his email because my current husband would get mad, but after my baby I decide to contact him to talk, and he was so mad he was not the same, he was not the sweet person that I met and to tell you the true I was the person who asked for the divorce and I had my doubts but I still continue with my divorce, I feel he just put a wall between us, and now that he knows that I have a baby from other guy, he even more mad, but I love him, and I love the father of my baby also, but after married my second husband I felt that I made a mistake, I feel that I still love my ex- husband and care about him, I did not have a good relation with his parents so that was the cause of the divorce my mother-in-law ! and sister-in-law, but he is a nice guy, I feel he is putting a wall between us, and he does not want to give me a chance for his family, but the true is that I did not have a baby with my first husband because I thought his family will take my baby away from me, I am originally from Peru so I do not know the rules in Canada but I was afraid that something like that happened, so I decided to have a baby another guy, a guy that I met during my marriage and he was nice a not carrying stress like my ex-husband, now I have my baby I am married, the guy is a nice, good worker, I have a nice house, but I can not stop thinking about my ex-husband, we passed good and bad things together, I think that I left my ex-husband for this guys who is now my current husband but It was a mistake, and I had a baby with him, I do not what to do, I feel that my ex-husband love me but he did not want to give me a chance because of his pride, and I understand, but do I have to live with this for the rest of my life ? is it a punishment ?I tried counselor with my current husband, he wants to work it out for the baby, but is it fair for me ? what will happend in 18 years when my baby grow up and do his own life ? what I will do ? my current husband love me and I love him and but I know that we started my relation when I wa a married woman and that maybe my punishment, what I should do ?should I still try to contact my ex-husband ? some of my friends from Canada told me that he is still alone, what I should do ?
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co-worker, divorce, married woman, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): So Marisa you did cheat on your hb with your now 2nd hb? Hun plse let your ex hb be. You have hurt him too much and if you cheated on him, then you don't deserve him. Nothing justifies your cheating. Just learn to now be a faithful wife to your new hb. Are you not afraid that your new hb will cheat on you? So watch him and be alert. If he can cheat with u, he will cheat on you. They always do.
I hope your ex hb can meet a woman who will love him and be faithful to him. He also deserves happiness.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, Marisa01 +, writes (17 May 2011):
Marisa01 is verified as being by the original poster of the question No, no I have my kid right after my divorce, I was so much stress during my 3 years of marriage with my first husband, so when I moved to the States I got pregnant after a 2 months,pretty quick and unreal I even could not believe, but you right I believe my ex husband did not want to go back with me, because I had my baby right away with another men who was the guys that I date during my marriage
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): "... but I know that we started my relation when I wa a married woman...." So were you having an affair while married?
The reality is now you are divorce and married this other man. Leave your ex hb alone. It is selfish and cruel of you not to tell him you were pregnant with another mans child.
The other Aunt was right: this ship has sailed and there is NO going back. Your ex hb will NOT take you back now that you have another mans kid.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Unfortunately, i think you are probably 100% right in your feeling that your ex-husband is building a wall between you. That's the way most people in these parts handle bad relationships, especially one that ends in divorce.
And for you not to respond to his messages, and then one day respond with the bomb that you have had a child with another man. I'm sorry, but the odds of your ex husband ever allowing himself to have feelings for you are pretty much zero. That one probably hurt him a great deal.
Did you explain to him why it was that you went for the divorce? Because of his mother and sister? Unfortunately, if the family were giving you a hard time, making your life miserable....I mean, that's all a part of the relationship, right? He may be the nicest guy in the world, but if his family are people that you see regularly, and they treat you badly.. I guess it's all a question of did you love this guy enough to be willing to put up with the bad treatment from his family for the rest of your life?
At any rate.. Does your current husband know about your feelings for your ex? If you aren't happy with this man, then don't stay in the relationship. It is not fair to either of you. You shouldn't feel like you are being punished for anything. You made decisions, you have to now live with and deal with the consequences of these decisions. That doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be sad and miserable the rest of your life.
However, be aware that all of your actions have consequences. Your decision to start another relationship while you were still married, and now have a child and get married to someone else... That's gonna make things pretty hard for your ex-husband to ever decide to get back with you.
That ship may have sailed, but you are still young and have most of your life ahead of you. I would suggest to try counselling with your husband, see if there is any way that you can be happy in this relationship.
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