A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's my situation. My husband and I have been together for over two years. We've only been married since August. Why do I feel like my marriage is already in danger of being over? He's a distant individual, unlike when we started dating. He was warm and loving and considerate. Granted I don't expect sunshine and roses every day, but I would like to talk to my husband about things other than bills and our son's appointments. We don't do anything together-and by anything I mean ANYTHING. We don't have sex, we don't have dinner together just he and I sometimes we don't share in any aspect of each other's lives anymore. We don't even watch movies together-NOTHING. I've tried suggesting we do something together once a month, because money is tight.When I voice my concerns of feeling alone and being lonely even when he's in the same room-he apologizes then says he'll work on it. And for a couple of days afterward, he does try. But then things go back to how they were. He's more of a person who occupies space and I take care of that person. I do all of the housework, along with cooking and dishes etc with absolutely no help. I mean NO HELP. He won't even give our son a bath without me asking him to. I go constantly from the time my feet the floor until I collaspe on the bed at night. He makes no real effort into keeping our marriage and family life progressive. It's up to me to keep everything together. I feel like I have to beg my husband to show affection, or at least act like my husband. I don't like feeling that way. My husband should want to be affectionate, and continue to do the things that made me fall in love with him in the first place. I am the same woman now as I was the day we met. I'm just afraid that maybe his feelings aren't what he thought they were when we got further into our relationship and even married. I feel that it's like he feels obligated because he doesn't want to loose our son in the sense that I will have custody and he'll have visitation. I also feel that he doesn't want to have to pay child support for another child. So we stay together because of his selfish reasons instead of out of mutual love for each other. My husband is my world. And I don't want my marriage to end but I don't want to continue feeling the loneliness and despair I have been feeling over the last few months. I know we should probably seek counseling or something like it. But does it seem like it will be a wasted effort? I guess after the whole long story is-should we separate or go to counseling? Are my feelings of insignificance warranted? Has he fallen out of love with me?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have one child together, yes. And he has a daughter from a previous relationship. He and the mothere split up after 7 years due to her drug addiction problem. It's kind of a messed up situation as to why he doesn't have custody of his daughter.
We married in August after being together for almost a year and half. And yes, we have a son together. Did I land him with a child quickly, no. Is he not the guy I want him to be? Well no. Was he different earlier in our relationship and marriage? Yes. So I know what kind of man he can be.
To the others, thank you for your advice. When he gets home from visiting his family I'm going to talk to him about marriage counseling.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 "I also feel that he doesn't want to have to pay child support for another child."
Aha! What is missing from all of this. Another child? He has kids already?
If this is the case, why did that relationship end. I get the feeling you took a divorced guy, married him really quickly, landed him a kid in record time and now are suprised that he is not the guy you told yourself he is.
It might be he never was in love with you in the first place. Or maybe he doesn't a family. Could be any number of things. But the speed of the marriage and that line about ANOTHER child, that says to me you went in with eyes wide shut and he just ain't the guy you want him to be.
There could be other things, but first explain "another child" please.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Well you only have 1 life - up tp you how you want to live it.
I think you should go for counselling - this sounds like you aren't enjoying your life - so take him and go and talk to counsellor.
You really deserver more - you shouldn't stay together for a rubbish reason like we are married, if there is no life there.
Go to counselling - it deserves a chance for the both of you to talk neutrally to someone who can help steer you in - much as a pilot does for a ship in a harbour.
Much Hugs,
Star.x.
...............................
|
