A
female
age
30-35,
*ovedenisee
writes:i recently found out my boyfriend[now ex] was cheating on me. i was so inlove with him. he was my first love and the one i lost my virginity to. we would do everything together. he was my best friend then things started to get kind of rocky. we started to argue more often. we were together for about a 1yr and 2 months when i decided to break up with him because he stopped giving me attention and just seemed to push me aside. we still kept in touch, he would tell me that he missed me and would change. then about a month of us being broken up he told me he got a girl pregnant. that he was at a party and only drank bcuz he was depressed which he got drunk and didnt know that he had sex with a girl until his friend told him the next day. my heart broke into pieces. fortunately i was taking a 3wk trip that week. it gave me time to think about everything. so i came back and we talked about everything. he told me that he didn't like her, that she was ugly and that i was the one he wanted to be with. we ended up getting back together. we would hang out and still see each other. although it wasn't the same anymore. he still wasn't giving me all the attention but i thought it doesnt matter just go along with it because we loved each other. we talked about getting married next year and how much we loved each other. he told me that he knew we were meant to be. I never once doubted him,that he was seeing her even tho a lot of people told me. throughout the whole relationship i trusted him. So one day after work we had plans to hang out. I called him and he canceled on me saying he was tired. but since I was on my way already i decided to go to his house anyway. i park and start walking towards his house and see some guys sitting in a parked car outside his house. im thinking he's probably in there. then leaning against another car is a pregnant girl. I automatically thought it was the girl he got pregnant. she sees me and asks me who am i looking for and i tell her. she then asks me who are you and i say his girlfriend. she smirks and then i see him getting out of the car and asks me what the f**k are you doing here..then she gets up and starts hitting him and sayin you liar... that's when i realized that they were together..i was shocked. i just stood there. then she turned around and wanted to hit me. he was holding her back. she was calling me a slut and whore like if i was the other girl. i left. i got in the car and i started balling. it felt like my heart had been stabbed. i felt betrayed and hurt. i felt like going away. i didn't know where to go what to do. i ended up going to my sister's house and she helped me out a lot..she has gone through something similar too. i remember i bought him a phone which he agreed to pay me back for it in payments wkly. i didnt want him to get the pleasure of keeping it. so i went to his work the next day. i got very nicely dressed. i told him i wanted the phone back and he said no. that he will keep paying me wkly. i said are you kidding me.i dont want to see you anymore. he looked surprised. after a couple of minutes he gave it to me. he didnt even try to explain anything to me. not even an apology.. he locked the phone so i had to go to the store to unlock it. wow, what i found in there. pictures of her. and saw that my calls and text weren't even there. there was a picture of her stomache that was called 7 months. so i figured out when shes due and when she most likely got pregnant. which she got pregnant when we were still together.. barely had been together for 1yr. i don't understand how someone can do this. i know he loved me. i know it. how could he tell me all those things about marriage and love if he was seeing her? why would he do this? why couldn't he have just broken up with me? why get back with me in the first place? all these questions i have..i wish i could yell at him and hit him. i wish i should have said more that night i found out. both times i saw him i couldn't say anything. now i feel like i can't trust a guy. in my head i question my friends and their relationships. i don't know if this will affect me in future relationships. overall thank God i had my family and friends to help me throughout all of this. but my heart is still wounded. im sorry this is so long. i just wanted it to be detailed.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Hey that's tough. real tough. But some good news you found out now - rather than later on - e.g. when you were fully committed, she also sounds like such a nice person this ugly girl that shouts at you in the street. Hope she and him are happy.
Now then how to get over Dick. (don't know his name so made it up) you are now entering a state or grieving for what could have been - much the same as if you have lost someone. (which you have) - Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and then acceptance. All of these are going to round and round with you. Eventually you will get bored of this and start to move on.
So how to move - well firstly you need to find someone who is really really into you - this is your long term goal. Shouldn't really be a thought right now - you the stages above to endure first. But think of Dick as training for the person is into you.
Now the next bit is how to get through each day. I have written a lot of stuff for others (surprisingly this happens a lot here) please see this post- it might help.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/a-year-and-im-still-not-over-him.html
I think you need to take a little time, forget Dick as being a tosser who has actaully lost and move on. Go and find someone who is into you. Really into you.
Hugs, Star.x.
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