A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hey all. Me and this married man have become friends. We are both married and we both know we are sexually attracted to each other. He seems to want to talk to me and be around me all the time and we have connected emotionally. We are both encouraging this friendship to continue and can't seem to get enough time with each other. I am wondering if he is only looking for an affair with me or could he be falling out of love with his wife and maybe be falling for me? How do you do that his motives are sincere???? Is every married guy a dog looking to bang someone? They can't all be the same!!!!! RIGHT??? What should I do about this situation? I'm afraid our feelings are pretty involved at this point and walking away would be really difficult.
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affair, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 May 2011):
 Yes, they are all the same, yawn.
Because a decent , honourable men in a truly unhappy marriage, first would officially and openly end the marriage THEN would come after you.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (7 May 2011):
Hi there. Like someone else said here, he probably is just a bit bored. Something's missing in his life.
A sense of no purpose or passion seems to be what he is feeling.
Even if he says that he's bored with his marriage, you can be sure that the real reason is that he is bored with everything in his life. Emptiness in some way.
Not really to do with his marriage at all.
Rather than having an affair with someone - even if only emotional at this time - really doesn't serve much of a purpose, well at least it doesn't address the real need, anyway.
Probably his real need is more fun and some level of unpredictability.
He'd be better off with a consuming hobby or interest that he could really engage in, in a more meaningful way.
For instance, some volunteer work by helping people in need, or creative pursuits - artistic, gardening, making things from raw materials. Activities that are a lot of fun and very fulfilling.
And believe me, they can make a huge difference in a person's life.
Without realizing this - and he doesn't - people often look outside of themselves for the answer. So they try quick fixes - drugs, alcohol, gambling and of course affairs. Then there's internet pornography - to name but a few.
But these activities serve no real purpose, as they don't address the real issues. They are merely an escape, and nothing more.
He's probably lost his way, and as a consequence, he's feeling very restless.
He needs to find himself again, but only he can do it. No-one else can do it for him.
An affair won't serve that purpose.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 April 2011):
 Is your husband a dog looking to bang someone?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): If you both feel this way, then I suggest you both either fix your marriages, or get out of them before you ACT on these emotions. As far as you are concerned, I'd tell him no touchy while he is married. You'll find out quickly which head he is thinking with.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 Tsk, this should be easy. Just look at your own motivations. Is every married woman a bitch looking to bang someone?They can't all be the same!!!!!Well, you sure are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): I think you are playing with fire. Don't touch each other. Are there kids involved? You two need to step back, and think about them first. I am going through a similar situation and the best advice I've received is to back off. My situation is a little different because I have not said anything, but still read my story and feel free to comment:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/passion-returns-after-25-years-were-both-married.html
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (25 April 2011):
"How do you do that his motives are sincere?"
Simple. You can't know. The only way to know is risk everything staying with him and seeing him do the same. I mean, you don't have to wait for ever. But once you two say each other you are ready for trying. Both of you should leave your previous partners. If he doesn't, he isn't sincere.
"Is every married guy a dog looking to bang someone?"
No. Some of them are, others don't.
"They can't all be the same!"
Of course they can't.
I always say in this circumstances (when you are married of in a serious relationship which isn't working), you should leave it before begin engaged with someone else. Most people don't do this, and they start an affair instead. This usually leads to a disaster, most of the time to a hurtful break up.
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