A
male
age
41-50,
*onk27
writes:Hello,My case is complicated like everyone elses.I am married to a wonderful women since 3 years now, out of these three years we were living in different countries for about 2 years. We had a long distance relationship in the meantime.Towards the end of my stay in Germany, a new girl joined my office and we used to hang out together. Slowly but steadily we fell in love and we made love to each other.I was unable to forget this girl and i continued being in touch with her in spite of moving to the UK with my wife. My love for her grew and I lost my connection with my wife. I feel no longer romantically involved with my wife, however please note that my marriage was a love marriage. I want to break up with my wife, she is not dependenant on me and we have no kids. I do not kow if by doing this I can live with the guilt and the pain i will cause my wife. I love this other woman, and would like to be with her, i am not sure if i would like to marry her at the moment.All this situtation is killing me, I have been honest with my wife and told her that I love someone else, and my heart is not in this relationship and would like to get out. She doesnt give up, I dont know what I can expect from her by telling her all this. I really dont want to cause her pain, also since we are Indians there is a lot of social pressure to remain married from my side. The other woman is an european. And am sure her acceptabce into my family would be another uphill task. Also since this is interacial I do not know if I would like to be with her for the rest of my life, once i spend some time with her.My heart at present is not with my wife and I really have been honest to her about it. Please help, on what i should really be doing, this situation is driving me crazy.
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different countries, fell in love, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Essentially you want to break-up a marriage and cause a lot of family strife for a woman who you do not want to marry or spend your life with as she is not Indian.
You are being terribly selfish here. Not only did you cheat on your wife, who YOU chose to get married to (you mentioned it was a love marriage) but you also led on another girl despite knowing you do not want a future with her.
This problem does not have anything to do with being Indian or your culture (and I say this being an India Brit myself) This is about a man who cannot accept responsibility, has a bad case of grass is greener and is confused about what he wants. I suggest you stop contact with the girl and work on your marriage to the best of your ability. You loved your wife once and she is willing to forgive you and work on your problems so I would take her up on the chance and really give it your best go. If you cannot do that, then leave. Forget about family pressures and what others might think and leave your marriage and spend time on your own, thinking about what you want from a relationship as right now you are all over the place.
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