A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please, I need your help! I am a married woman having an affair with a married man. We've been seeing together for 9 months. Now we both became emotionally attach and even express the love for one another. To complicate things his wife is pregnant back in January. I felt so guilty but I do not have the strength to cut him off. I tried 3 times ended up seeing him again. He tried 2 cut me off as well and ended getting back. I changed my cell# at one point so he can't get a hold of me but got a hold of me via email and there you go again....I am up to the point that I'm hurt and don't want to deal with the pain anymore and for the sake of our marriage....but don't know how...I'm in love with him that it hurts.....I want to break it off already and wanted to be committed of doing so...please help me....please!!!
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affair, married man, married woman Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): Hi your not the only one in this problem, Im having the same in my life but the thing is we knew each other before we got married. We started by caring for each other now its become more complicated. we love each other its not sex or lust but cant explain.
But never want to hurt him or his family, he feels the same too. We decided not to meet anymore but we continue to talk.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 That's the beauty of an email. You simply don't have to respond. And it would probably be best that you don't. You were a smart girl for changing your cell number. That was a huge step in the right direction. You could also open a new email account (Yahoo is free) and quietly send your new address to the people you want in your life, and then stop opening the old one or deactivate it. You must be strong. This thing will only become more complicated with time and cause major damage if discovered. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): Get help. See a counselor. It is most unlikely you can break this off and stick to it on your won. The counselor will also help you explore why you got into this in the first place and what means for you and your marriage.
Best wishes to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): Well it is not a good thing that you are doing but it is also nice to hear from someone in your situation who realises that you are making a mistake and need to focus on your marriage and work things out with your husband as you made those vows for a reason and every relationship/marriage takes work and I do not agree with what you have done not one little bit but I really hope you have the strength to do the right thing. The amount of people that would get hurt if they found out, I know because I have felt that pain and still feeling it and it is the worst type of pain you can imagine. Please please be tough, cut off all ties, change your number, get a new email address if you have to its so easy to set a new one up, do not have any contact with him what so ever, if you see him in the street then turn and walk in the opposite direction, if you ignore him long enough you can get through this, yes it will take time, it isn't going to be easy but it will be worth it in the end. Good luck and I really hope you do the right thing not just for yourself but for all the people that could get hurt out of this!! I have very strong feelings about married people that cheat but you want to do something about it and that is why I am not having ago. Really hope you can be strong enough!!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 Who said doing the right thing always had to feel good?
You will need to be the stronger person and no one CAN do it but you. Take the steps needed to block his phone numbers, do not answer his calls, and if he shows up where you live or work..call the cops.
Just get tough with yourself. Imagine you are two people right now. One is a child who just WANTS what they want. One is the adult and will scold the child for bad manners and tell them NO.
Be the grown up and hug the child. Tell her that "I know you want the toy, but you can not have it because it will hurt you."
Give up what you want for the FUN, for something you want MORE, peace of mind and to honor your marriage.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): I think for the sake of your marriage, if you want to stay with your husband, you have to break off this affair. Change your phone #, your email and everything else you need to change but you need to break this affair off now and stay away from him for the sake of both your marriages. If you don't do it now, it will only get harder.
If he tries to contact you, ignore him, he will eventually get the hint that this time it really is over. If he is having a baby with his wife then he obviously still loves her and for the sake of his child he should work things out with her. Good luck.
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