A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im a 24year old female and have be with my man for 8years.and married 3years...the last 2months i have been with a married man and he told me that he thinks hes falling in love with me and i feel the same but he said for to cool it for a while..im not in love with my husband.but i do love him.i want the best for him but how do leave him.i have had an eye on my lover for almost a year.but what do i do now that he said to cool it?
View related questions:
married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): thank godness your married man came to his senses. two months and you say you are in love with him. get real.
he has made his choice. respect his wishes and do not chase after him. he has proven, yet again, after they get it, it is the mere chase. the conquest . and then good bye.
A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (12 September 2009):
 Your affair partner is right... you need to cool it. Stop all contact- no phone calls, no emails, no secret meetings, no drive-by's to just get a peek at him. Stop it all!You say you don't want to hurt your husband but those are only words... because your actions are screaming the exact opposite. Infidelity is the most painful hurtful action a spouse can deliver. It destroys your emotional safety, it rips your insides out, you question everything in your life, nothing makes sense. YOU are the one choosing this action, but it is your spouse who will feel the most devastation. You say you love your husband but aren't "in love with him"? Surely, you were once... where did it go? Are you looking for excitement and romance? Are you looking for the thrill of the first kisses, first sex, all the first events? What happens when that relationship becomes a marriage and loses those firsts? If you are looking for those emotional highs- are you going to move on each time love shifts from that phase? Those are important questions. You need to identify what it is you are getting from your lover that you are not getting from your husband. You also need to look at what you are getting from your husband and not your lover. You are getting many needs met by your husband already or you wouldn't still be married. It is a whole lot easier and less damaging to everyone to build your marriage up than to start a new one... one that has a faulty foundation to begin with, one that is built on deception, and pain and ... yes selfishness.I have been devastated and that pain does not go away easily. I will never look at another man with the same trust and naivety that I gave my husband. The hurt is always there and I don't think it will ever fully be gone. My ex told me the same thing you are saying..."he loved me, but he's just not IN LOVE WITH ME"... How can someone hurt you this way unless its HATE? I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone... let alone someone I "love".Bottom line, if you don't value your husband, your marriage or your vows ... at least show your husband some respect and care. End your relationship with your lover, then conclude your relationship with your husband in a dignified way. If that means divorce then you should divorce regardless of whether your lover is available or not. Either your marriage is over or its not... holding on to your husband until you have a sure thing or "something" better lined up is NOT loving your husband... it is selfish and manipulative.Then if your lover ever ends his marriage (without your involvement) and down the road ... well that's something different entirely.
...............................
A
female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (12 September 2009):
Why people choose to cheat instead of just being real is beyond me I still dont get it. He probably wants to cool so you dont get caught or because hes not feeling you anymore or maybe hes having some type of remorse. He could also be tired of being your other man or the fact that he has to see you when you can get away.. It really a pain in the butt to deal with married people.If you dont love your husband get a divorce. Dont you get that by staying your making the problem worst? See this is why some men/women snap and kill their spouses. Im not saying its right, but I totally get it. What if your husband finds out? Why would you want to hurt anyone? what if someone did that to yoou? im not judging you but you should just get out of the marriage your obviously not happy.
...............................
|
