A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't even know where to start. We have only been married for six months but I will admit that this has been going on for over a year. Our relationship started as being long distance- a different country even. I love him with all of my heart and was willing to do anything for him so I left my country to live with him after we were married. I have always had concerns about his business and how much he works and I have always felt that I take a back seat to his work. I talked to him about these concerns long before we were married and he always said the reason he worked so much was because I wasn't with him and if we were together we would be doing loads of things together and have such a happy life.Well- we have now been married for 6 months and I feel so hurt and dissapointed. Not only does he still work all the time but I am now completely alone. I have no friends or family here and I so often get the thoughts that I want to leave! I can never get him to commit to a time when he will get home and when I pressure him to come home he just acts all upset about things. Every good event that we have planned in the last 6 months has either been cancelled or ruined because of something to do with his business and his response to me is that you have to do what you have to do.I was so happy the other weekend because he planned a Sunday for us to spend together. I don't have a car yet because we haven't found time to go shopping for one so he made the plans to go car shopping. We went to a dealership and looked around but before I knew it he was asked to be excused to take a call and spent most of the time on the phone dealing with his business. This is just one example of many of how we spend our "days off" together. I spend every day feeling like I am just a puppet following him arround. I feel like I have given up so much for him- Family, Friends, Career, Nearly all of my posestions except what I cold take on the plane- is it too much to ask for my husband to spend just a little time with me? I have tried everything to get his attention and do practically everything for him- I do all of his laundry and ironing, cook, clean, help his parents- plus I have taken over the accounts department in his business so I work loads of hours as well. I just feel that I do nothing but give but don't get very much back.I am thin and stay fit and get loads of atention from other men where ever I go but can't get anything out of the person that I want it from the most.I feel heart broken and so alone with no one to talk to. I can't talk to my friends and family because they all warned me before I got married so I feel like I need to act like I am happy. Is there any hope?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice!! I would love to get a job and have been looking but it is kind of hard. I have spent the last 7 years as an assistant to an eye surgeon and have loads of certifications for that but all of my certifications mean nothing here. I have my BS in Management which I did while working for the eye surgeon but I don't have an job experience for that so I am having trouble finding a job to say the least :( Probably the only job I am going is one that he won't respect anyways!
A part of me really wants to go home but I would have to start all over there as well. Yes- I could probably find a job very easily but I can't even imagin everything I have to do in order to do that- If I do move back my marriage is over- it is way too far to play the back and fourth game.
He keeps saying that I am number 1 in his life and that I come before his business- so why am I always alone? Every day is a new excuse for getting home late- if I am number 1 wouldn't I be the excuse he uses to tell his business why he is leaving on time??
It isn't just me he doesn't have time for- so I spend loads of time as a go between with him and his mother. She emails me so many times a day and trys to get involved in all of our business.
The only time we do spend together is spent fighting :(
A
female
reader, november511 +, writes (12 February 2011):
I completely understand what u r going through coz im in a similar position .. Away from home and feeling distant ... Inspite of being a doc who works for almost 80 90 hrs a week . I have no real friends or family here and it gets extremely lonely even those few hrs i have for myself .what i think you should do is find a job for yourself go out keep yourself busy and make him realise that u have work too and that spending time with him is not something u do in ur spare time but something u take time out even with a busy life to do . Once u get busy he will realise what he is missing . Even if he doesnt realise immediately , be patient it would atleast given u a sense of freedom.And most importantly do away with this feeeling of self pity and reasons for feeling lonely . Just think of all the things u enjoy and love and what an independent self reliant person u r .
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A
female
reader, ashley187 +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Wow, being so far from your family and friends would be hard and feel lonely. You need to let him know you gave that up and you need him to be there for you. If he can't make time for you, can you live like that? It's 6 months in and it's already that bad. Maybe you need to take a trip back home to your family and while you're there think alot about what's going on. You may have a change of heart and decide never to go back. You need your familys support right now. Go home, think about it and do what makes you happy. If he isnt willing to make time for you, he needs someone more like himself (someone who only cares about himself) . I hope things work out for you. Dont ever feel lonely.. we are here for you to talk to us. I feel bad for you and think about it this way.. it can only go one of two ways; your heart will let you know what to do.
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