A
male
age
41-50,
*epeatedly
writes:I have been married for 3 years. My wife and I have no connection. We dont sleep together. We havent had sex in 2 years. I dont think she is cheating but she defenetly leans on her friends for emotional support. I love her and she says she loves me. We both have stressful jobs and i try very hard to not bring those stresses into the relationship. I do get very frustrated with her when i try to get this marrage to work but she will give no effort. I do understand with the kids and work she is busy. How do i get her interested again in saving this marrage i have tried everything. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (8 October 2007):
I kind of feel like I wish I had more information - you say you've been married 3 years, haven't had sex in 2... but you have kids? Plural? Did you have 2 little babies in 3 years? That could be very exhausting and distracting, especially if you both work. But in any case you still need to have a relationship with each other and no sex in 2 out of 3 years of marriage is a serious problem. You two need to be in couples counseling, and if she refuses to go, I'd definately recommend you go. Because as it is, it's not a marriage you two are roommates. You deserve better.
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (7 October 2007):
 I think your marriage is in trouble. Your lovemaking is a reflection of your marriage and I'd have to say it's empty. Your wife should be relying on you for some of her emotional support. Kids and jobs do have a way of tearing down marriages but you need to work together to build it back up to what your first year was like. It is such a short marriage but if you can't get it back, then I agree with the others that you do have a decision to make. If you stay, in time you will find yourself numb to the world, not just your marriage. Good luck and I hope it works out.
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A
male
reader, Ricky +, writes (7 October 2007):
The effort in trying to save a marriage has to come from
both the partners otherwise the effort of one will not have a positive outcome no matter how much the sacrifice is. Try and take a vacation away from the daily routine and give yourselves a real treat. You both deserve it.
Holy Matrimony system was established to bring a man and woman together emotionally, physically and spiritually, not just to pay bills, bring kids into this world and pretend to be the perfect couple at parties. Both the partners in the marriage have to work towards keeping these 3 factors lively or otherwise marriages fall apart.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): This sounds a little sad... I am not really sure what advice to give, however the first thing which popped into my thoughts was - when did your marriage start to slip into a routine? Think back to see what if anything may have triggered your distance and connection.
I would suggest, if you haven't already, tell her that you are feeling lonely and miss her. She may well be lonely to. Marriages can get in a rut and just flow on from day to day, months and years go by and before you know it you are strangers! Tell her you don't know what to do and ASK her if you are letting her down or not giving her the support she needs. Ask her how she is feeling about your relationship. Write her a letter? Flowers and cards? romantic dinner?
You need to open up the discussion in a constructive way and be honest that your feeling a bit lost as to how your relationship is going. Tell her you love her to bits and want to be close again - and "how can I make this happen darling?"
Good luck.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Steve911 +, writes (7 October 2007):
If you both haven't made love in two years then there is a major problem in this relationship. Love making is a very natural thing amongst every couple especially if they are married. Talk to her and revisit the memory lanes of the early dating and marriage days. Ignite some romance into your lives. Work, stress and kids will be there, but the beautiful years of your lives are passing by and the distance will get only worse.
Let her know how it is affecting you and if she is still adamant about it, then my friend, you will have to make a decision. Life is too short to waste on people who don't appreciate love and the essence of a relationship.
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