A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband since I was 16. Now that I am 32 I find myself to have grown apart from him. We are different people with different likes and dislikes. If we were to meet now I wouldn't give him a second thought. We have 3 kids together an I only want to do what is best for them. The problem is he is a verbally abusive drunk who enjoys making others out to be less than him. I have put up with his verbal abuse for the whole marriage and have had enough. He is willing to go to AA, has been sober for 2 weeks, and wants to fix ll the wrong he has done. he problem is I don't. I want to move on and be my own person. Is that self fish of e to want to be happy. Is it fair that now he wants to make it work after all these years and I don't. We are in counseling but actually get ore annoyed by it. Am I being self fish by waning out or should I attempt to make it work?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (28 December 2010):
 For the sake of the kids, I'd try to work this one out. This is one of those challenges that married life brings about. I realize you aren't happy, but raising kids as a single mom is a huge undertaking. Single life even under the best of circumstances isn't a rosy garden.
Realize, that you do have some obstacles to overcome. It sounds like you have a lot of resentment against your husband (and justifiably so). But unlike a lot of people who write here, your husband is attempting to recover and sounds like he may actually get something from it.
Give your counselor some time to work with you. Things can definitely change for the better if you are and your husband work as a TEAM to get back to the place you used to be. It's going to take work, however, so brace yourself for that.
I think if your husband resumes drinking, it would certainly be justifiable to consider moving on. Having your kids grow up and tolerate a drunk, in my book, is unacceptable.
You may also want to investigate going to ala-non meetings. They are for people who are married or have direct impact with a drunk. They'll help you deal with his behavior.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): We only live once. If your able to go at it without him, go for it. Make yourself happy?!
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 hi
i am glad he is getting help for his drinking. does part of you feel doubtful that his AA counselling will work? do you feel he would be a great husband to you if only he didnt drink? do you resent him for the things he has said to you in the episodes of verbal abuse? i dont think you are being selfish really, he has done a lot of damage to the relationship and he has been the selfish one by the sounds of it. maybe you have just grown up and you realise that what you wanted out of life and relationship are not the same as what you want now. at 32 we dont have the same thoughts, wishes and needs as what we had at 16.
xx
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