| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I am a married woman, but separated from my husband. I have stupidly fallen deeply in love with a married man. We spend as much time together as possible, not sexually we just love being together. He says that he loves me and I have replied those stupid words. Mine are real and I believe his are 2. He told me before we got as close as we are!!! that his daughter is the love of his life, and whatever happens in his life she comes first. Which in hind sight makes him more of a truthfull guy. We have now fell hopelessly and deeply in love and his thoughts on his daughter haven't changed. He tells me that if his wife leaves him he could handle that but not his daughter growing up to know Dad walked out. Since then he has had numorous arguments at home and tried to leave because things got to much, but his wife just called the police and tried to get him arrested. She uses the child against him and threatens him with her. Am i seriously fighting a loosing battle here or what? I truthfully have never felt like i do when i'm with him. And cry constantly when i'm not (which is alot)!!!
View related questions:
married man, married woman Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2006): I know exactly what you are going through, about four months ago i started an affair with a married man at work. Stupidly I fell in love with him and told him this, and he said that he felt the same but that he would never leave his wife. I accepted this, even though like you, I cried a LOT. And, like you, I had never felt like I did when I was with him. However my ex found out, who I had left because of my feelings for this other guy. He went mad and rang the guys wife and told her. Because of this I lost a few friends at work, although hardly anyone knows what happened. It is only now, a month later, that everything is back to normal at work. I do still have feelings for the married man, but I would never act on them again. I found out from his wife that they were trying for a baby whilst he was sleeping with me, so he obviously wasn't as unhappy as he said. The guilt I felt when evrything was found out was awful and I would never want anyone else to go through that. Seriously, leave him, you will just end up unhappy and looked at as if everything is your fault, and I'm sure he isn't worth that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2006): If he leaves his wife for you, you will be party to his wife becoming a single parent and his child coming from a broken home. His wife is desperately clinging on to her life as she knows it. bow out.. let them resolve their marriage problems.It might subconciously make you feel wonderful knowing that a man will risk everything for you,but a love built on the wreckage of their lives is not a sustainable love.I can't quite believe you are putting another woman through this, you know the pain of a break up. I don't think your lover will leave home, I think he'll use you to ease his troubles until he finds the guts to face them then he and his wife will begin rebiulding their damaged marriage and you will be 'the other woman'. He'll betray you to get himself off the hook at home and they will have a deeper relationship and you will be forgotten. You are in an unhappy place, find the courage to move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (7 March 2006):
 Great answer Irish and shania, I will only add that as you can see from these ladies...you are not the first or the last to make this mistake.
Being a mistress does not sound like it is a role for you...it makes you cry...alot. So ask yourself why you did this to yourself and and why are you still doing it? Many people say that "YOU CAN'T Help WHO you fall in love with"....what? OF COURSE YOU CAN....You fall in love with WHO YOU DATE. If you decide to date a married man...Don't break Rule number one....which is Never, ever, ever fall IN LOVE with the married guy.
Look, any woman who is willing to put up with a Married guys Crap must have a fantastic giving heart....give it to someone who deserves it and see what REAL love is.
If no guy has ever made you feel like he does?......Then you need more experience...YOU create your own emotions...He can't MAKE you feel anything. You feel because you react to your interpretation of a situation. How many times has someone said something to you and you sort of missed a bit of it and Reacted to what you THOUGHT they said...then had a good laugh at your mistake?
It was not what the person said or did that MADE you react...it was the way you interpreted the actions that allowed you to feel a certian way.
Feeling in love releases endorphins...you are right now no more than an addict. You are searching for something to cling to...that will allow you to Feel it some more....(just as the drug addict will sell anything it takes to get the next fix) You will sell yourself short and put up with terrible pain to avoid loosing that love-fix.
Release yourself from this bondage. Take a deep breath and really look at where you are...then cry and own the pain of your mistake....then search for a NEW Drug that has fewer side effects...which means a man who is free to love you and Be with you in an honest respectful relationship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2006): Dear, this is a losing battle. You are already telling yourself how 'stupid' this whole affair is and I think instead of saying it, you need to do something about it. Of course you do realize, you could have ended all this-before it started. Just because women are pursued by married men doesn’t mean they have to give in. Having a married guy go after you is really a very predictable sad, pathetic occurrence in the lives of many women.
Men who step out on their wives and families are liars. Plain and simple. I have to ask-why would you ever think he would not lie to you? It's there in front of you, clear as the nose on your face-this man is 'living a lie'. Judge all people in your life by actions-not words. Especially married guys. You need to learn how to use 'discrimination' in order to evaluate and assess what type of man would be good for your life. Any woman who bases her future and life plans on a married man needs to give her 'head a good shake" I think you are doing this. Hun, this guy is not going anywhere. That’s 'why' he’s still married. What surprises me is that many women don't understand one crucial thing when they take up with a married man. Marriage to many men, is much, much more than simply a sexual relationship. It's family pride, it's the children...that keeps them there. The connections of family and children run much deeper then anything else. All that... supersedes you, as far as he's concerned. You are more dispensable, possibly a passing fancy-his daughter will have a relationship with him for a lifetime. He is not going to risk losing that. This is a no win situation. If he hasn't made any attempts to leave...he never will. Are you prepared to wait it out. What a waste of your time and efforts. It is time for you to 'use your head, your common sense, your rationalization' and stop caring so much for this man. It will be hard..it will be like someone stuck a hot poker through your heart. But prove to yourself, you have the strength, the will, the self-respect, the resolve to walk away. Get started on a renewed path in life, where you can begin building yourself a new life, one with a future and with someone who can commit to YOU.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2006): This sounds like my husband and me. even if not, stay out of the relationship as he is Married and a Father!!! Yes couples have there problens but you are only adding to them. We didn't have any problems until the likes of you came along. He may be telling you he loves you but he is still telling me (his wife) he loves me. Go back to your own man or find a new single one!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2006): I went through exactally the same thing as you last year,he was staying for his daughter,but alot of men say this for a excuse not to leave.they wont leave there little cosy life at home and go into the unknown with women like me and you.and its a well known fact if they dont leave within the first 2months of the affair then its unlikely they ever will.i know its hard but get out and you will find someone else.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 March 2006):
 Why would you stick yourself into this. People create the biggest problems for themselves and then wonder what happened. Leave him with the people he should be with, his wife and daughter!!
...............................
A
female
reader, i no how u feel  +, writes (4 March 2006):
you sure your not the girl that MY husband is having the affair with. cause this sounds like the story ive heard. if you are believe me he doesn't love you.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (4 March 2006):
 While he sounds honourable to his daughter and that he puts her 1st...which is understandable....i feel that he is still leading you up the garden path.Why?....well he says that he loves you and maybe he does in his own way...you are expected to wait until when?...his daughter is grown up?...or when he decides to leave his wife? It seems to me that he has had every opportunity to walk out but he has chose not to.You say he loves his daughter...ok,no one is disputing that..but he can still be a good father whether he is married or not.I feel he doesnt want to leave the marriage and that you are a good agony aunt for him...a shoulder to cry on....plus it is the good old classic line when a married man says to his lover..."I cannot leave the wife because of the children"...A mistress can wait years and years for her lover to leave his wife...this man has too much baggage and he cant commit to you 100%.I think its best that you step back and ask yourself...do you really want to wait that long for him and still there might be no guarantees at the end of it.You decide.
...............................
|
