A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 28 years and have definitely grown apart from my husband. He has been an OK husband and OK father of our two grown kids. Our kids have left for college in the past two years. I had a great relationship with both kids and I am terribly lonely without them and their friends in the house. When I try to do things (activities) with my husband, it is tense. He definitely does not enjoy the same things I enjoy (traveling, walking, gardening etc)and he does not like change while I love change. We are also very far apart politically, he is far right and I am left middle of the road so these conversations end up in arguments.I work full time and I am a girl Scout leader to fill some of my free time but I want and need more. I have asked my husband if we could have a foreign exchange student, help with foster kids, volunteer at a hospital etc. but he is no, no, no. He can be a very negative person. When he has free time he reads or mows the lawn or does chores but doesn't have fun. He loves the peace and quiet of having no kids in the house and I hate it. I could do more things by myself but then our lives would be even more separate than they are now.When I have asked my husband "what do you want to do for the next 30 years?" he says "well, our job now is to pay the kids tuition, take care of our parents, and then we will probably die."I don't want a divorce but I can't figure out an alternative so that I can be happy and fulfilled again. Help!
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reader, Ted-ster +, writes (23 June 2010):
It is your active choice to be happy, or not. It is not uncommon at all for couples to get divorced, particularly after the kids leave for college. Celebrate that you had an "OK" husband/father in life -- most can't say that much. Celebrate that you have raised great kids and enjoy them and their friends. Several of my friends surprised their kid(s) coming back for Thanksgiving break: pass the turney and, by the way, your father and I are getting divorced by mutual agreement. It can be a happy occasion for the couple. Best wishes -- but people grow apart after decades. Sounds like you should make your next change a big one. But the choice is your's.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): Turn the clocks back what did you do before the kids came along? There is no reason why you can't find some things to do without your husband. While trying to find something that you can share. When kids leave home causing an empty nest it takes time to adjust to the next phase of life.
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