A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm married with 3 children. A few weeks ago, I met a wonderful man in a pub in Edinburgh. He's Australian and was on a cricket tour. We instantly connected and got on do well I found myself being attracted to him. We shared a kiss at the end of the night. Before I go further, I'd like to add I've been happily married for 14 years and we've been together for 20 years. The Australian left for home a week after we met, in that time I contacted him on facebook and then on messenger. There was no hope for any kind of relationship but from speaking to him on messenger I found I couldn't stop myself from getting deeper and deeper into a "cyber" relationship. We kept on talking even after he returned to Australia. Now I find I'm falling in love with him.. please help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2017): This guy is only a fantasy, OP.He is brand new.He has no problems, no faults, no negative behaviours. At least it seems that way now. In fact, keep in mind he is on his best behaviour now to impress you. You don't pay bills with him, do laundry for him, raise kids with him. So, it is NOT a fair fight! Your husband cannot compete with a fantasy. Ok?But where this fantasy guy cannot compete is in the LONGEVITY department. Your husband has been there thru the good and bad. He has stuck with you. He is your rock and your safe place in a mean and cruel world. He loves you for who you are, all that you are, warts and all.This new Romeo will use you and throw you away, leaving your head to spin. He is not interested in your heart. He is just seeking out a quick, easy lay. Remember this when you are devastated and run back to your husband with a broken heart.Also, ask yourself what kind of a man kisses a married woman with a husband and possibly a family? What kind of morals and characters does this pig have? NONE! Why would you pick this clown over your faithful husband who, unlike him, has morals, values and decency? This fantasy guy would only turn around and hurt you. Ruin you, your life and the life of your family.Your husband would count on you to do the right thing.We all fantasize but most people leave the fantasies in their own heads. The people who end up losing it all are the ones who think the grass is greener on the other side. Well, it isn't. You might soak up the excitement for just a little while until it all fades away, and you are left unhappy and miserable again with your real life.Address what is wrong with you which causes this behaviour. And your desperate need for escape and fantasy. Is your husband not meeting your needs? What is happening within your marriage to cause you to withdraw and immerse yourself in such destructive behaviour?Turn it all around and put all your energy into your family and husband.I suggest you start with leaving the kids (if any) with babysitters and go away on a trip and reconnect with your husband. The emotional connection is missing and needs to be re-ignited. It can be done. Once you feel that again, your need for a fantasy figure will disappear.Just realize that this man is not special. It could have been any man. You are chasing rainbows that do not exist. Remember, everything shiny eventually becomes dull. Every new person starts off the same way, until real life sets in.What are you going to do? Go through life chasing shiny people until they don't shine anymore? Then onto the next?You would be pretty miserable and lonely in this case.It is hard to find good men in this world. Guys pretend to be your hero and sell you bullshit lines to reel you in. But it is rare to find a guy to commit to you for the long haul. And be by your side. You will see what I mean if you cheat, lose your husband and this guy too and end up on the market. Lots of creeps and losers out there. It will leave you wishing you never played with fire in the first place and remained happy with what you already have.Would you like it if your husband was talking to a woman behind your back that he thought was incredible and attractive? Would it hurt you? Step into your husband's shoes. If the answer is YES, then STOP NOW.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (18 August 2017):
Stop contacting and concentrate on your husband and family. How hard is that? You're not a love sick teenager you're an adult. Act like it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2017): Hey, chica! Stay with your man!! Don't leave your family for a passing one-night-stand. Take my advice girl: don't throw away what you have constructed!! Best wishes: your best Mexican friend
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2017): You're not in-love, you're in-lust. It's a momentary infatuation brought on by boredom with the routines of married-life, appreciation for someone making you feel attractive and desirable; and it's cheating and betrayal.
You're captured by the intrigue of a secret imaginary love-affair. Living out a fantasy, and blowing it completely out of proportion. It's the seven-year itch (multiplied times 2) and going into a middle-aged crisis. Being the bad-girl out-loud, after suppressing it for so many years. People sometimes do that when they hit middle-age. Buying sports cars or motorcycles, getting breast-implants or facelifts; or cheating on their spouses. It's all cliche and an over-played story. Usually having a very bad or costly ending. Very rarely a happily ever-after.
Stop contacting the man. Act your age, and regain your dignity. It was a naughty little taste of excitement that never should have happened. If it was your husband, you'd take him to the bank and clean him out. You'd take it as a serious blow to your self-esteem; and chalk it up to typical male-behavior.
It's all fantasy and betrayal. Girlfriend, get a grip!!!
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (16 August 2017):
 I do like Nora B's answer. Your marriage needs a bit of sparkle in order to put some fun back in to the bedroom and other aspects of your married life too.
Make this a project for you both and leave Mr Impossible on the other side of the planet.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (16 August 2017):
You are not in love with this man. You are in love with the idea of him, and you are in lust with his body/accent/etc.
You are also married, and you cheated on your husband. This is unconscionable. You need to cut all ties with this fantasy and come clean to your husband. Saying that you "couldn't stop yourself" is a copout. You absolutely can, you just don't want to.
You yourself say there is no possibility of a relationship with this guy. So is it worth risking your marriage and your husband over something that will never even materialize?
I'm not sensing any feelings of remorse from you, or any sorrow for the pain that you're inevitably going to be putting your husband through. What about him? What did he do to deserve this? You need to talk to him and figure out together whether this marriage can continue.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (16 August 2017):
Did you often hear the old saying...Hills are greener far away but as you and i know that is not the case.So STOP right now and think of your husband and children their love for you and yours for them.This is new its fun,its different..but remember you are dealing here with the unknown.After 20 years to with anyone it can become a little dull.So do something to bring a little spark into you relationship with your husband..ie...a romantic weekend away..a dinner for 2 or whatever to bring a little extra happiness to you and your husband.As we become older we need our family around and our home.Do consider thinking more of your husband/children rather then your friend.Would be wise to stop the contact and put is down as a nice memory.Kind wishes.NORA B.
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